Oscars 2015 Educated Guesses

Every year's Oscar nominations come with surprises, often unpleasant ones. This year took that to a whole new level with a slew of startling omissions that riled up movie buffs in a way that I haven't seen in a long time. We can (and will) discuss individual snubs, but the cumulative effect of them is that the Oscars didn't live up to their promise this year. Ideally, they are a celebration of a year's great films, but that didn't quite work out. It's hard in a year where the great stuff was so diverse but then again, there were some pretty boneheaded choices on the Academy's part. Still, it could be worse. It could be the Grammys. Let's get to it.

Best Animated Feature
Big Hero 6
The Boxtrolls
How to Train Your Dragon 2
Song of the Sea
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya

Who Will Win: The first and perhaps most inscrutable controversy of this year's Oscars was the absence of The Lego Movie from this category. Popular with audiences and worshiped by critics, it would have been a clear front-runner. It may have been disqualified for its live-action sequences, although the Academy hasn't clarified that. Without it, there's no obvious winner. It will likely be one of the CGI blockbusters, but which one? The original How to Train Your Dragon would have won this category in 2010 if it didn't have the misfortune of getting matched up against Toy Story 3 and it's four-hankie finale. The sequel isn't quite as good, but it packs an emotional punch that I think voters will remember.

My Choice: Princess Kaguya has a level of thematic ambition that is far beyond what you usually see in animated films, in addition to being stunning to look at. An upset in this category is certainly possible and I would love to see this one pull it out.

Best Documentary Feature
Citizenfour
Finding Vivian Maier
Last Days in Vietnam
The Salt of the Earth
Virunga

Who Will Win: The most popular documentary of the last year was Life Itself, a moving portrait of the late critic Roger Ebert. It's not on the list this year, which suggests that the Academy is in the mood for more serious fare this time around (although this category is not very consistent about this). The two docs about photographers, Finding Vivian Maier and The Salt of the Earth, are probably out. Last Days in Vietnam is compelling stuff, but the Fall of Saigon was over 40 years ago. Virunga's central African setting probably feels too far away from your average voter. It doesn't get much more timely than Citizenfour, the documentary about Edward Snowden and the NSA that puts the viewer right in the room as history is being made. Any movie that can feature the brave but insufferable journalist Glenn Greenwald so prominently and still be tolerable deserves something.

My Choice: Citizenfour is an impressive piece of film journalism, but as a viewing experience it has nothing on Virunga. The combination of intense subject matter, haunting music and beautiful scenery shots was incredibly potent. Netflix knows how to pick 'em.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Jason Hall for American Sniper
Graham Moore for The Imitation Game
Paul Thomas Anderson for Inherent Vice
Anthony McCarten for The Theory of Everything
Damien Chazelle for Whiplash

Who Will Win: Graham Moore's screenplay for The Imitation Game accomplished a few different things - it gracefully meshed three separate periods in Alan Turing's life and it boiled down the incredibly complex mathematics behind the decoding work of the main characters in a way that any audience member could understand what was going on. I suspect he'll have an Oscar to show for it, although Damien Chazelle is a potential upset.

My Choice: I don't have a strong preference here. The Imitation Game was impressive for the reasons listed above and Whiplash's layered exploration of ambition is a good conversation starter. Either of them would be cool, just please don't give it to American Sniper. That movie was downright ludicrous.

Best Original Screenplay
Alejandro G. Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. and Armando Bo for Birdman
Richard Linklater for Boyhood
E. Max Byre for Foxcatcher
Wes Anderson for The Grand Budapest Hotel
Dan Gilroy for Nightcrawler

Who Will Win: Three of this year's heavy hitters are squaring off in this category. Birdman's got four writers attached to it and this category typically favors a single recipient. Linklater has a great ear for dialogue but it will probably hurt him that so much of Boyhood's dialogue sounds improvised. That leaves Wes Anderson. The Grand Budapest Hotel has a lot of nominations and it probably won't go home empty-handed. This category, with its hipster bent, seems the ideal place to recognize it.

My Choice: Dan Gilroy. Nightcrawler was a brilliant look at how modern work culture rewards sociopathic behavior and not just any writer could pull off a lead character who speaks almost entirely in canned self-help jargon he read off the internet. This movie was overlooked in general and really deserves some props.

Best Supporting Actress
Patricia Arquette in Boyhood
Laura Dern in Wild
Keira Knightley in The Imitation Game
Emma Stone in Birdman
Meryl Streep in Into the Woods

Who Will Win: Patricia Arquette. Her vanity-free performance as a mother who is in over her head but refuses to give up stays with you long after Boyhood ends. It helps that she's also at the center of the film's most emotional scene. She's been sweeping the preliminary awards and there's no reason to think the Oscars will be any different.

My Choice: Arquette deserves the win, although I was also pretty impressed by Emma Stone. As the angry, drug addict daughter in Birdman, she really looked and sounded like she had just gotten out of rehab. For someone whose looks are always being praised, it's not a "beauty queen" performance at all.

Best Supporting Actor
Robert Duvall in The Judge
Ethan Hawke in Boyhood
Edward Norton in Birdman
Mark Ruffalo in Foxcatcher
J.K. Simmons in Whiplash

Who Will Win: The other four nominees have no chance against J.K. Simmons and the evil genius music teacher he played in Whiplash. Although it's in the "supporting" category, he dominated that movie and it is truly an unforgettable performance.

My Choice: I'm a huge J.K. Simmons fan. Whether it's the sweet father in Juno or the hilariously cantankerous J. Jonah Jameson in the Spider-Man films, this guy brings it every time.

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard in Two Days, One Night
Felicity Jones in The Theory of Everything
Julianne Moore in Still Alice
Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl
Reese Witherspoon in Wild

Who Will Win: If you're hoping to get an Oscar, the best narrative you can hope for is that it's "your turn." This is what's happening this year with Julianne Moore, to the point where it seems like people don't care about the actual movie she's in. The focus is that she's given a lot of strong performances, has yet to win, and is not getting any younger. She's got this one in the bag.

My Choice: I honestly don't care. Julianne Moore's done good work for a long time, let her have it. This category needs an intervention because it's becoming the laziest and most consistently disappointing one in the whole lineup. The Academy always seems to choose from a ridiculously small pool of actresses to fill this one out. Felicity Jones and Rosamund Pike are some new blood, but the other three are regulars. People always say there aren't many good roles out there for women, but there are more than this. Essie Davis in The Babadook? Rosario Dawson in Top Five? They're out there if you look for them. Look a little harder, please.

Best Actor
Steve Carell in Foxcatcher
Bradley Cooper in American Sniper
Benedict Cumberbatch in The Imitation Game
Michael Keaton in Birdman
Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything

Who Will Win: Here we have the only acting category that's actually competitive this year. The three Cs (Carell, Cooper & Cumberbatch) have taken a backseat to the neck-and-neck contest between Michael Keaton and Eddie Redmayne. In one corner, you have an actor with a long and (mostly) distinguished career who got the role of a lifetime in Birdman. It's hard to believe this is Keaton's first nomination ever and sentimentality might carry him over the edge. However, statistics are against him. In the other corner, we have an actor who is playing a real English disabled person, the holy trifecta of award bait. Redmayne's eerily convincing performance as Stephen Hawking is the sole reason why The Theory of Everything, a trite biopic that ignores Hawking's groundbreaking contributions to science in favor of a conventional awards bait romance, has done so well. He's already got a SAG award to show for it and I have to give him the edge...but this one is super close.

My Choice: First things first. Where the hell is David Oyelowo? He was outstanding as Dr. King in Selma and this lack of recognition is going to go down as one of the great boners in Oscar history. If only Dr. King had Restless Leg Syndrome or something...any kind of disability and the Academy might have taken more notice. Another omission that bugs me is Jake Gyllenhaal, who brought to life one of the year's most vivid characters in Nightcrawler. In terms of the nominees, might as well give Keaton the gold while they've got the chance. He might not get another shot and Redmayne will surely be nominated again at some point.

Best Director
Wes Anderson for The Grand Budapest Hotel
Bennett Miller for Foxcatcher
Alejandro G. Inarritu for Birdman
Richard Linklater for Boyhood
Morten Tyldum for The Imitation Game

Who Will Win: For a while, it looked like Richard Linklater was going to take this one home not just for Boyhood, but for 25 years of great films. Then Inarritu upset him at the Director's Guild awards, which are a highly accurate oracle for this category. Given the large overall support for Birdman, it makes sense although it's still fairly close. If I'm right about this, Inarritu will be the second Mexican director to win in a row after Alfonso Cuaron last year. Guillermo Del Toro might want to start planning a 2016 speech.

My Choice: Ava DuVernay pulled off some beautifully staged scenes in Selma and would have made history if she was recognized, but as with a lot of that movie's talent, she got the cold shoulder. This category's always been a little unpredictable so it's not quite as surprising as what happened in Best Actor, but it's still unfortunate. As it stands, I'm rooting for Linklater. He's made so many great movies, from Dazed and Confused to Bernie to School of Rock to Waking Life, but he doesn't really make "Oscar" movies so I'm not sure he'll get another chance.

Best Picture
American Sniper
Birdman
Boyhood
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Selma
The Theory of Everything
Whiplash

Who Will Win: Despite a list of nominees loaded with typical Oscar bait, it's the two least traditional of the films that are fighting it out for Best Picture. Let's knock out the others. The Theory of Everything has little going for it outside of Eddie Redmayne's performance. The Imitation Game is held in higher regard but still feels too much like a typical winner for this year. Whiplash is a small film that had a very small release. Selma was torpedoed by an ugly combination of various double-standards (more on that soon enough). American Sniper is not the evil piece of propaganda that its detractors fear and that Fox News so desperately wants it to be, but it is a crude, silly movie that is far too polarizing to survive the Academy's preferential ballots, which reward films with more universal acclaim. The Grand Budapest Hotel is a serious challenger, but I think that in the end, Wes Anderson's work doesn't do so well outside of his niche (although that niche is steadily growing).

That leaves Boyhood vs. Birdman. For a while, the conventional wisdom was that Birdman's support among the actor's branch would be balanced out by the other branches going with Boyhood. But then Birdman started winning all the preliminary awards. Not just the Screen Actors Guild, which was expected, but also the Producers and Director's Guild. Clearly, it has more wide-ranging support than it was given credit for. If it does pull off the win, it will easily be the weirdest Best Picture winner ever. If it were about any other profession than acting, I don't think we would be seeing this kind of reception. So I'm going with Birdman but don't count Boyhood out. After all, if we're talking about identifying with the work, everyone voting was once a child.

My Choice: My opinion of the nominees goes something like this: Boyhood > Selma > Birdman > Whiplash > The Imitation Game > The Grand Budapest Hotel > The Theory of Everything > American Sniper. I think it would be wonderful if a gentle, personal film like Boyhood took the top prize, but I feel like my own preference means even less than usual this year. There's other stuff I gotta get off my chest.

I don't typically go this in-depth, but this year's Oscars come with a lot more baggage than usual so let's talk about Selma. The conventional wisdom about its weak amount of nominations (only 2, which is unheard of for a Best Picture nominee) is that the exaggerated portrayal of President Lyndon Johnson as cranky and obstinate about the Voting Rights Act backfired. Indeed, some Academy members have spoken anonymously about how the movie "misrepresented history." If this is really how it went down, then the whole situation comes with the pungent whiff of bullshit. In a documentary, getting all the facts right is important. But movies like Selma, often given the misleading label of "docudrama" are still technically fiction, even if they are heavily based on history. These films are not simple recitations of textbook history, they interpret history, often to comment on the era the film is made in rather than the era it depicts. Selma spends a lot of time demonstrating the work involved to make change happen - building up grassroots support and exploiting the bad habits of politicians and media to get the word out. If the movie's Johnson had been on board from the start, none of that work would have seemed as necessary. Selma's LBJ strikes me as less a representation of the real man, but of modern politicians who can't hide their exasperation that all these protesters can't just be happy with their black president and stop complaining. This creative choice may cost Selma some credit as a historical document, but not as a movie.

Movies like this have been playing loose with the truth ever since George Arliss won Best Actor for playing British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli in 1930. Even in this very category, The Theory of Everything, The Imitation Game and especially American Sniper also alter the reality of their subjects to suit their purposes. Regarding the latter, the Iraq War is turned into a Sergio Leone western where the good sniper has to battle the bad sniper, very little of which is supported by Chris Kyle's actual experiences. This change isn't necessarily a surprise given that the director, Clint Eastwood, always tends to frame issues in ways that are reminiscent of classic westerns. Yet American Sniper was rewarded with surprise nominations while Selma was punished. So tldr, if you're going to start bringing the hammer down on artistic depictions of history, be consistent about it or shut up. A lot of people can't stand it when race gets brought into the Oscars, but their frustration seems better directed at the Academy for making it so easy. I've said enough, but I do have some further reading. Here is a great article on the racial elements of the issue and here is an article going into the specifics of the movie's portrayal of Johnson.

So that's all for now. Last year, I had a perfect score for predictions. I'd be surprised if that happened twice in a row, but we'll see!

The Birth of A Nation - 100 Years Later

In The Harlem Hellfighters, a graphic novel by Max Brooks, a World War I regiment comprised of black soldiers gets unexpected respect in Europe for their bravery on the battlefield. In the midst of this, one character flashes back to his pre-war life as a janitor in a movie theater. In 1915, just a few years before the war began, he had watched a huge white audience embrace a film that would become notorious for its racist content - D.W. Griffith's The Birth of A Nation. Despite putting their lives on the line on behalf of America, these soldiers knew what was waiting for them when they returned home.

When I started my life as a film buff back in high school, I sought out as many classics as I could. Most of us start with the ones that get name-dropped the most when it comes to the history of film - Citizen Kane, Casablanca, The Godfather, Seven Samurai, etc. Another name I had heard quite often was The Birth of a Nation, although I avoided it because of both its massive length (nearly 3.5 hours) and its reputation as a horribly racist movie. Did I really want to spend that much time on something so pernicious? Not really. During my second year at NYU, the choice was made for me.

The silent film course was one of my favorites. I discovered all sorts of brilliant films from that era. We even had a professional musician come in and play the piano accompaniment to the experimental Russian classic Man With A Movie Camera. It left me with a love of silent cinema that continues to this day...and it's a strong love indeed if it could survive a screening of The Birth of A Nation. Most of the students in the class were also seeing it for the first time - perhaps they had avoided it for the same reasons. Movie classes at NYU typically ran 4 hours in order to accommodate a movie screening and a lengthy discussion afterwards, but Birth took up almost the entire class just to watch. The experience was far more memorable than if I had simply watched it alone.

When you go into the movie with knowledge of its reputation, you sit there waiting for the bad stuff to start. It doesn't come right away. At first, it's a Civil War re-enactment played straight with most of the racism relegated to subtext. For example, the movie never acknowledges the Southern attack on Fort Sumter that began the war and treats the conflict as this mysterious force that just came out of nowhere and disrupted everyone's lives. There is also one scene I remember where black onlookers cheered for a Southern victory (Hooray! We're still slaves!). Strangely enough, Abraham Lincoln is treated with a lot of reverence and the scene of his assassination is probably the most impressive moment in the film. Unfortunately, it's also the point at which the movie conjures up this bizarre alternate history of the Reconstruction era where blacks took over the legislature and began to punish the defeated South. A lot of problems here, the biggest being that the movie doesn't believe this history is "alternate."

The class had been dead silent through the movie up until this point. I remember when the first gasps came. It was a scene during the election where white people were intimidated into not voting while black officials stuffed the ballot box (A century later, conservatives are still afraid of this). The new black legislators recline in their chairs and put their feet up while guzzling liquor and eating fried chicken. I am not kidding. As viewers, we're meant to be appalled at the lack of respect these men had for a system of government that had endorsed their slavery until just recently. The leader of this radical movement is a half-white/half-black man named Lynch. Not kidding about that either.

On one fateful day, the white hero is depressed about all the black people and sits alone on a tree stump. Suddenly, he sees two children pretending to be ghosts by wearing a white sheet. You can practically see the light bulb appear over his head. Sure enough, the Ku Klux Klan is born and The Birth of a Nation treats them like the goddamn Fellowship of the Ring. They ride across the land in epic scenery shots that were far beyond anything audiences had seen at the time. In the climactic sequence, distressed white people hide inside a shack while hordes of angry black men tear down the walls, a scene that would later become a staple in zombie movies. Contrary to popular belief, D.W. Griffith did not "invent" parallel editing with this sequence, but he did demonstrate how effective it could be in regard to building tension.

Speaking of tension, it hit a fever pitch during my classroom screening during one infamous scene. A young white girl is chased through the woods by a black man and when she gets cornered at the edge of a cliff, jumps to her death rather than risk miscegenation. The obnoxious intertitles tell us not to mourn because she chose death over being defiled. The man is hunted down by the KKK and put on trial. Cut to a horrifying image of a Klan mob restraining him with burning crosses in the background while the screen has a hellish red tint. A brief intertitle pops up. "Guilty." At this point, the class abruptly broke out into laughter. As if there was any doubt how that scene would end. The sheer cognitive dissonance of this sinister image of persecution being presented as an example of righteous justice was too much. The man is killed and the Klan drops his dead body at the front door of the statehouse cause you know, that's just what civilized people do.

Were we assholes for laughing? I don't know. But we had been sitting through this nonsense for two and a half hours and we needed some kind of release. The class continued to laugh at the rest of the film's racist moments because what else can you do at that point? The final scene, of a translucent (and obviously white) Jesus giving an approving smile to everything that has just happened, was the jaw-dropping cherry on top of this shit sundae. We had all expected something pretty bad, but wow. Needless to say, the conversations as we left the classroom were memorable.

The movie was controversial from the start but still a sensation with audiences. President Woodrow Wilson even screened it in the White House. It was used as a recruiting tool for the KKK and is said to have been the inspiration for many spontaneous acts of violence against black citizens. Makes Natural Born Killers look pretty harmless by comparison. D.W. Griffith was bewildered by the accusations of racism (I know, I know) and tried to make amends with another three hour epic, Intolerance, about the struggles of oppressed people through the ages. The Academy Awards wouldn't exist for another 14 years and I'm sure current members are grateful for that, given that an honorary Oscar was given to Al Jolson for his blackface routine in The Jazz Singer during that first round of awards in 1929. Ten years later, the Best Picture Oscar went to Gone With The Wind, a less outwardly offensive film than Birth of a Nation but still infused with that victimized plantation mentality.

Film critics still tie themselves in knots trying to reconcile their feelings about this movie. Never has the difference between a "influential" film and a "good" film been so glaringly apparent. Griffith's innovative techniques and the overall grandiosity of the movie ensured it a permanent place in American film history, a curse on our otherwise impressive contributions to cinema that we brought upon ourselves. As repulsive as it is, I still think anyone seriously interested in film, history and the intersection of the two should watch it. Most of the time, movies about America's sordid racial past depict a conflict between good white people and bad white people in an effort to make us feel better. By showing us the kind of mentality that was mainstream 100 years ago, this movie is actually far more educational.

Top Ten Films of 2014

I can't tell if this was a great year for movies or if it just felt like one because I was able to see so much. Given that I spend most days looking after two toddlers at home, I'm pleasantly surprised at how easily I was able to keep track of the past year's notable films. I wrote more about this a while back, but streaming services like Itunes, Netflix and Vimeo (that's where you find the really under the radar stuff) have made theatrical releases less and less essential for getting a movie to the masses. I hope that the movie theater experience doesn't ever disappear, but the convenience of these alternatives is impossible to resist for someone in my position. With that in mind, it's time for my ten once again.

10. Interstellar
Christopher Nolan is one of very few directors who has had enough commercial success that studios will go along with any film he wants to make and he makes sure to use that privilege. This three-hour science-fiction epic is the most ambitious blockbuster in years and treated audiences to some truly jaw-dropping images of the cosmos. Like Gravity did last year, Nolan uses digital effects judiciously and the galactic vistas of this film never look fake and when paired with Hans Zimmer's majestic Philip Glass-esque score, these scenes offer a breathtaking experience in the theater. As with a lot of the director's work, Interstellar engages the brain as well as the eyes. Not just any movie can mine tearjerking drama from Einstein's theory of relativity. This is Nolan's most personal and heartfelt work and even the flaws (the dialogue and characterization can get pretty spotty) seem to add to that feeling of seeing an artist known primarily for grim superhero dramas suddenly start wearing his heart on his sleeve.

9. The Tale of the Princess Kaguya
Studio Ghibili's Isao Takahata has never been as well-known internationally as his co-founder, Hayao Miyazaki. It could be that his films are a little less accessible - they're typically slow-paced and often very sad. Yet with his first film in over a decade, Takahata has again proven himself to be a tremendous artist, bringing an ancient Japanese fairy tale to life with a gorgeous charcoal/watercolor aesthetic while also deconstructing the harmful attitudes often found within these tales. When an older couple finds a mysterious baby girl inside a bamboo stalk, they believe she is destined for greatness. However, having to leave a simple life in a village for a "noble" life as a princess leaves her desperately unhappy. There is nothing romantic about royalty here, only the heartbreak that comes from being forced to conform to culturally accepted notions about the role you're supposedly meant to play. There are rumors that Studio Ghibli's days are numbered. This beautiful, innovative, intelligent and moving film is reason to desperately hope that is not the case.

8. The Sacrament
A gripping, devastating and heart-stopping tale of a mysterious cult that's heavily influenced by real-life events (although still technically fictional). A journalist, along with his cameraman, tracks down his sister at a commune in the jungle called Eden Parish. Director Ti West specializes in slow-burning tension and he spends the entire first half making the viewer wonder if Eden Parish, unlike the cults that obviously inspired it, just might be a great place after all. When the mysterious leader who goes by "Father" (Gene Jones, in an Oscar-worthy performance) shows up for a taped interview in front of his followers, you both fear and admire him at the same time. But when the ugly truth finally comes out, your worst fears are realized and the film turns into a terrifying roller-coaster. The other films on the list have more innovative qualities than this genre piece, but none of them dragged me to the edge of my seat in the same way.

7. X-Men: Days of Future Past
Many people are getting sick of superhero films, even those of us who grew up with comic books, but I'll always be in the mood for a movie of any genre that's as satisfying as Days of Future Past. Let's count off everything Bryan Singer accomplished with this one. Adapting a legendary, influential comic book story for modern audiences while maintaining its 1970s setting. Creating a terrific link between Singer's past X-Men films and the newer series that began with the underrated X-Men: First Class. Most importantly of all, using the time travel plotline to completely undo the events of the horrendous X-Men 3. Comic books do this kind of thing all the time, it's called a "ret-con" and more often than not, they're not particularly popular with fans. I don't anticipate too many complaints about this one. Days of Future Past took a series that had gone way off the rails, totally rescued it and made me psyched for the next movie. If anyone still has any doubts about how cool this movie is, check out the already famous "Time in a Bottle" scene with Quicksilver on YouTube. You're welcome.

6. Birdman
It's hard to believe that such a surreal, weird movie is one of the front-runners for Best Picture, but then again, Hollywood is a sucker for stories about showbiz and director/co-writer Alejandro Gonzales-Innaritu has delivered a vivid portrait of an artist's fragile ego. One minute, washed up actor Riggan Thompson (Michael Keaton) is getting a pep talk from the superhero he once played about his risky Broadway debut, the next minute that same deep voice is ripping him a new one. As has been noted many times by now, Michael Keaton once played a superhero himself. The movie has a few casting gags like this, including Edward Norton playing a notoriously difficult method actor and a few Mulholland Drive references around the Naomi Watts character. The camerawork is also a star - about 20 minutes in, I realized I hadn't noticed any cuts and sure enough, most of the movie is designed to look like one single take. With that wacky percussion score thundering in the background most of the time, Birdman was a truly unique movie experience. Innaritu has primarily specialized in bleak dramas like Babel and 21 Grams, so his apparent gift for dark comedy is definitely a surprise, but a welcome one.

5. Selma
This was always going to be an important film - after all, it's the first theatrically released movie where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is played by an actor and not archived footage - but I can't imagine the cast and crew expected it would emerge at a time when the persistence of America's systemic racism has become so overwhelmingly clear. Ava DuVernay's dramatization of the protest march from Selma to Montgomery walks a thin line between being inspirational and deeply discouraging when you realize that the 1960s atrocities depicted in this film haven't gone away. Racially motivated bombings? Still happening. Voter suppression? Having a major comeback thanks to the Supreme Court. Police attacks on unarmed, nonviolent demonstrators? Do I even have to ask? Needless to say, it's an opportune time to revisit this history and Selma places a welcome emphasis on the work involved to make change happen as characters discuss using politics, the media and the legal system in fascinating detail. For all his grand oratory, the real Dr. King is said to have been an introvert and what I really liked about David Oyelowo's performance was that he captured a careful, thoughtful side of the man while still killing it when it's time to give a big speech. Selma steps into a few well-worn Oscar bait cliches and it's already gotten a lot of flack for portraying President Lyndon Johnson as a dithering crank who had to be dragged kicking and screaming before he signed the Voting Rights Act, but as a cinematic interpretation, it raises the stakes of this moment in history in a way that only movies can. This is the right film at the right time.

4. The Internet's Own Boy
By the age of 25, computer genius Aaron Swartz had already invented the Creative Commons License and co-founded the site Reddit, two major moments in the short history of the internet. What happened that ultimately led to his self-inflicted death in 2013? This gripping and emotionally intense documentary chronicles his burgeoning activism and the tragic consequences that came as a result. A tireless advocate for freedom of information, Swartz hacked into the MIT database and uploaded a massive amount of academic journals to the internet at large, believing that the results of college research belong to everyone, not just students who have paid to browse the collection. He was arrested and in the long run-up to his trial, prosecutors made no secret of their attempt to make an example of him to discourage other potential hackers with less benign intentions. Terrified by the possibility of 50 years in prison and a $1 million fine for what was a victimless crime, Swartz was ultimately pushed to the brink and beyond. The film nicely summarizes the complicated issues at hand, even though it's never a secret that the filmmakers side with their subject, but what stays with you is the tide of emotion that builds throughout. For many of the people interviewed, the wounds have not healed and you can't help but question a government that would cause this much pain and anguish over something that was, in the grand scheme of things, a trivial offense. In keeping with what Swartz stood for, the entire film can be watched for free at the Internet Archive.

3. The Babadook
2014 was a fantastic, perhaps even transformative year for independent horror and this Australian masterpiece was the best of the lot. If the Academy Awards weren't so biased against horror, Essie Davis would be a front-runner for Best Actress as a struggling mother still coping with the sudden death of her husband while trying to raise an extremely difficult child. Things begin to go very bad when the family starts to encounter a monster with a very goofy name who is first introduced to us during an insanely creepy sequence of pop-up book art. The Babadook is highly creative with its scares, including a bit where the monster (who looks like a Victorian-era Freddy Krueger) is seamlessly inserted into an old Georges Melies silent film. Director Jennifer Kent evokes the early work of Roman Polanski by focusing intently on the heroine's troubled mental state, giving the film a brilliant ambiguity. In this case, the non-supernatural interpretation of the film's events is far scarier.

2. Virunga
The best documentaries tell stories that are just as exciting and powerful as fiction and this one has a magnificent story to tell. The region in the Congo known as Virunga is both a national park and a UNESCO World Heritage Site, which is supposed to grant it international protection. Despite that, the park has spent years under siege by Soco International, a British oil company dead set on pillaging the oil reserves within Virunga's borders. Several segments of the film showcase some undercover journalism and several of the oil company employees are caught on tape expressing contempt for the people on Congo and planning to take advantage of the region's unrest by inciting militant anti-government groups to siege the park, which is the last refuge for wild mountain gorillas. The behavior of Soco showcases some of the worst of humanity, but the park's rangers more than make up for it. Many come from violent upbringings but have found purpose protecting the gorillas and are ready to die protecting them. With its powerful story, beautiful nature footage and haunting music, Virunga is an amazingly powerful documentary. It also happens to have the most jaw-dropping pre-credits text you're ever likely to see.

1. Boyhood
I don't feel especially creative putting this one at the top, given that it's shown up on almost every critic's list (even critics who don't normally agree with one another), but every so often you come across a movie that's such a huge accomplishment that all you can do is just bow down. Filmed intermittently for 12 years, Richard Linklater's brilliant movie invites us to watch star Ellar Coltrane go from age 6 to 18 right before our eyes. The effect is amazing and draws us deep into its gentle story which always feels small-scale and intimate despite its nearly three-hour length. Mason (Coltrane) goes through the ups and down of adolescence and sometimes struggles with his relationship to both his divorced parents. His mother (Patricia Arquette) exhausts herself trying to make ends meet and has lousy taste in men, and his father (Ethan Hawke) is well-meaning but can't always be counted on. The subtle performances of the actors and Linklater's ear for dialogue lend a lot of authenticity and while it is clearly a personal film for the director, its success indicates that many in the audience have found it personal as well. A beautiful, innovative movie that will likely be ripped off a few times but never truly duplicated.

Honorable Mentions: Life Itself, Snowpiercer, The Imitation Game, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Enemy

Steaming Video and a New Wave of Horror

If you're a regular user of Netflix streaming, you've probably noticed which genre is by far the most visible. There are hundreds upon hundreds of horror films available to watch, the vast majority of which have been released in the last several years. There's a huge new wave of independent horror that has injected new life into the genre - horror's been vibrant since the turn of the century, but the mid '00s were stymied by an overdose of the torture subgenre. Ebbs and flows are typical for this genre, but what's unique about this current wave is that it's almost completely playing out on video streaming services rather than theaters.

It started with the first Paranormal Activity, easily the most influential horror film of the last 10 years. The runaway hit was evidence that you could make a popular and successful horror film with very little money. While it regrettably spawned an onslaught of unimaginative rip-offs aping its "found footage" format, its true contribution to the genre may be the inspiration it gave to aspiring filmmakers all over the world. The resulting boom coincided nicely with the rise of Netflix's movie streaming option and other digital services like Itunes or Amazon. Suddenly, it didn't really matter if you couldn't get a nationwide theatrical release for your movie. Most horror films these days are just having a brief run in big cities before making a beeline for streaming.

The timing works out pretty well because mainstream studio horror is an embarrassment right now. The Saw series is finally over and the Paranormal Activity sequels are basically out of gas, leaving Hollywood, in its escalating desperation for franchises, to produce a whole movie about the doll from the first 10 minutes of The Conjuring. The movies that aren't direct sequels might as well be, since the exact same demonic possession movie gets made every year. One of the most scathing reviews I've read recently was of Ouija, which takes a scene from countless other ghost stories and extends it into a whole feature. The critic wrote that "if that board was telling the truth, it would say 'Wait until Netflix.'" Ouch.

The big studios just don't get horror anymore. You don't market it the same way as superhero movies or young-adult book adaptations. In terms of its cultural role, horror has a lot in common with heavy metal - aside from a few years in the 80s, it's never been truly mainstream. Sure, horror movies always make money, but no other genre has as large a contingent of the general populace saying "I can't watch those movies." This leads to a closer relationship between the creators and the audience, which makes horror ideal for the streaming format and for the creative freedom you can find in independent film. For big fans, horror has a versatility to it - sometimes we want to have a good laugh at the tropes and cliches of classic films, but other times we want something new and terrifying to come in and blow our minds. Thanks to Netflix and other services, there are plenty of choices for everyone. It's a godsend to someone like me, who loves movies but has family responsibilities that keep me from running off every time I get psyched for a movie. It's easier than ever before to keep up on horror movies and movies in general despite living in a small town in Connecticut.

With so much choice, the question becomes: How do I pick out the good films from the tidal wave of movies? Well, it's been my experience that the star ratings won't steer you wrong. If fellow horror fans haven given a movie 1 star, it's probably abysmal because we're known for tolerating a lot of shit for the sake of a good scare. A movie with a 2.5 or 3 star rating is likely very polarizing and controversial and may still be worth checking out. Anything over 4 stars is probably a safe bet.

I'll also give you a list of personal recommendations. I like watching a lot of horror in October and here are some gems I found on Netflix.

The Conspiracy - An incredibly gripping story about two guys who are making a small-scale documentary about a local conspiracy nut (played beautifully by Alan Peterson) who suddenly disappears, leaving them wondering if maybe he was on to something after all.

The Pact - A near-perfect ghost story from up and coming director Nicholas McCarthy. Doesn't break any new ground but there's a lot more thought put into the overall story than is typical for movies like this. McCarthy's got a real talent for generating tension that pins you to the screen like a magnet. His follow-up, At The Devil's Door, is more ambitious but a little less coherent. That one is on Itunes right now.

Pontypool - A weird, cerebral Canadian movie about a small crew broadcasting a radio show from a basement while some kind of contagion breaks out. The real twist is that the virus is somehow spread through the English language, leaving the characters nervous that if they say the wrong thing, they'll be infected too. It's very surreal and interesting and has a lot of highbrow cinephile fans who normally don't bother with horror.

Satan's Little Helper - A ridiculously dark comedy about a kid with a few screws loose who unintentionally helps a masked serial killer who uses the spooky trappings of Halloween to cover up his crimes. It's got a classic 80s-horror vibe and the villain's mask is just awesome.

The Sacrament - A devastating tale of a strange cult in the jungle that is inspired heavily by the infamous Jonestown commune. This one works so well because the first half of the movie establishes the dynamics of the cult so well, making you hope against your own good sense that maybe this place is okay after all. Spoiler alert - it's not, and that's when the movie grabs you by the throat and won't let go. Gene Jones deserves a Supporting Actor Oscar for his simultaneously charismatic and intimidating performance as "Father," the cult leader.

You can go watch any of these right now if you've got Netflix. Enjoy the brave new world and Happy Halloween!

Sailor Moon

If you were a young man when this classic anime debuted in the United States, it was the show you weren't supposed to like. That wouldn't have been a problem if it weren't so good. Watching it for the first time on some lazy afternoon after school turned into a habit, a dark secret I had to keep from my classmates. Ironically, it had a lot in common with another show that was big at the time and could be watched without embarrassment - Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Both had a "monster of the day" approach to individual episodes and both had lengthy transformation scenes that were shown every time. But in Sailor Moon, the heroes were all women, so men were forbidden to enjoy it. If you did, you were gay. In the fascist dystopia of middle school in the 1990s, where conformity was strictly enforced by the constant threat of public shame, being called gay was the ultimate defeat. However, the few times when I did let it slip that I knew something about the show, I was surprised how familiar other dudes were with it. I think this covert male fandom spread well beyond my house and yet I'm still a bit nervous about it. This is one of the few blog entries I don't feel comfortable sharing on Facebook...make of that what you will. I've gone back to it recently because of the release of a remake, Sailor Moon Crystal. I might have watched that, if not for the news that uncut versions of the original show were now available for streaming. Given the choice between old and new, I totally wanted to take a walk down memory lane. They've been coming out with two new ones every week and I've been following it faithfully.

If you've never watched the show, here's a rundown. Middle-schooler Usagi Tsukino meets a talking cat named Luna and is given the power to transform into the superhero Sailor Moon and defend the Earth from evil monsters from the "Dark Kingdom." Eventually, four other girls join her - feisty, bullying Rei (Sailor Mars), rough and tumble Makoto (Sailor Jupiter), glamorous Mina (Sailor Venus) and sweet, brilliant Ami (Sailor Mercury). I had a dorky crush on Sailor Mercury back in those days, even if she had the lamest powers (shooting bubbles? really?). Eventually, they would meet other girls to round out the Solar System, but my most vivid memories are of the first story arc, where the girls have to fight the minions of Queen Beryl. Beryl preferred to give orders rather than get her hands dirty, so most of the time the Sailor Guardians faced off against her four generals - whiny, incompetent Jadeite, suave, calculating Nephrite, vain, vindictive Zoisite and experienced tactician Kunzite. In most episodes, a mysterious male hero named Tuxedo Mask would show up to bail the girls out of a jam so they could finish off the monsters with their signature techniques.

Like other shows transported to American television in the 90s, Sailor Moon was heavily censored and altered by the US distributors. Names were Americanized and a GI-Joe-esque "Sailor Says" segment was added to the end of each episode to tell kids to eat their vegetables or whatever. Zoisite, the villain who wears a long blonde ponytail and disappears in a cloud of rose petals, was changed to a woman because of a visibly loving relationship he had with Kunzite. Having a gay romance in a children's show was ridiculously progressive for the time period and I guess the guys behind the dub didn't think American kids were ready for it. Although, now that I think of it, if Zoisite did identify as a woman, perhaps everyone treating her as such was the more progressive way to go! Just kidding, I highly doubt that was the rationale. In any case, the lack of prominent breasts on an anime "woman" should have been a dead giveaway.

The storyline that really grabbed me was the unexpected tragic love story between the villainous Nephrite and Usagi's friend Naru. On one level, it's all kinds of skeevy - she's in middle school and he's a grown-ass man - but I would challenge anyone not to be moved when he dies heroically to protect her and she lets out an agonized cry of pain. The dub couldn't reduce that moment's power and from then on, the show adopted a much tighter continuity between episodes and went from just a curiosity to something I eagerly awaited every day. It all leads up to an emotionally wrenching climax where four of the Sailor Guardians are killed in battle, leaving Sailor Moon left to face Queen Beryl on her own. The American distributors were clearly shocked by the intensity of the episodes. They cut so much content from them that the season finale went from being two episodes to one. Even with the dialogue altered and the darkest moments omitted, the power of those episodes was unmistakable and it was easy to intuit what was really going on. When she finally defeats Beryl, Sailor Moon is able to restore everyone to life on Earth although they can no longer remember each other and their adventures...until the next threat to Earth arrives, at least.

It's clear to me now that this has aged a LOT better than Power Rangers. Obviously it can't compare to more revered anime like Death Note or Paranoia Agent or Monster, but for a kid's show it's quite enthralling. I may write a follow-up to this one in a few months when I've seen more of the episodes. At some point, the series is sure to go beyond what I saw as a kid and into the later episodes which I am totally unfamiliar with. Consider me excited.

The World Outside

Every time I saw the Provazik Enterprises building from the outside, I was glad I only worked part-time. I would walk out to my car, turn around and become dismayed that I worked in that rusty abomination that was constantly pumping black smoke into the air. That parking lot wouldn't win any beauty contests either; there were no yellow lines to differentiate the spaces and large patches of grass had made their way through much of the cracked pavement.

On this particular day, I cast my usual rueful look at the Provazik building and saw something altogether different. Huge buildings began to rise out of the ground, as if the Earth was giving birth to them. These huge structures were coming up on all sides of the parking lot and after squinting, you could see the metal frames that were pushing each out from the underground. These new buildings were sleek and modern looking, unlike the eyesore where I had just spent several hours. I was still standing next to my car, but now the road had been completely cut off by these newborn buildings. The small crowd of us in the parking lot wandered towards the new entrance to see what was going on.

I was taken aback by the new entry hall. It was a wide circle with a huge bay window directly across from the doorway where I stood. All around, there were escalators, elevators and even a monorail to get people to the different buildings in the complex. It was fascinating to see, but at the moment I still wanted to get home. I wandered for a while and eventually found myself in a dimly lit, claustrophobic room where rows of people were scrunched over in front of computers hard at work. This looked more like the old Provazik building and was now a stark contrast to the breathtaking room I had just left.

A robot that couldn't have been more than four feet tall was supervising the activity. He made his way over to me and spoke in a deep, digital voice that sent chills down my spine.

"You are not working."

"I'm done working for today," I said back. "I'm just wondering how to get home now that these buildings have blocked the road."

"There is no world outside Provazik," the robot said immediately.

I needed a few moments to comprehend what the creature had just said. "What?"

"There is no world outside Provazik," the robot repeated, sounding even harsher.

I didn't feel like arguing. It was just too strange. Instead, I backed slowly out the small room and back into the entry hall. Wandering around the circle, I eventually found a map of the property, updated to include the phalanx of new buildings that had appeared only a few minutes earlier. While it did not support the robot's bizarre claim that there was no world outside the area, it did confirm that there was no exit. I grabbed my cellphone, thinking I could call my family and have them get the police to do something about this.

After a few rings, I heard a message that the number I was trying to reach had been disconnected. That was impossible, I thought. I called that number multiple times each day and now all of a sudden it doesn't work? It began to sink in that I might really be trapped here. Panic spread through me and I rushed back towards the parking lot. At least there I was outdoors. Surely there had to be some alleyway, some fence to climb, some way to get out of Provazik.

Instead, when I rushed through the door, I was someplace completely different. Behind me, the complex was gone. I was surrounded by grass up to my waist. The buildings here were crumbling and deserted. It looked as if humanity had been gone for centuries and the Earth was beginning to take back the land. I found myself drawn towards a large concrete staircase that ascended a green hill. Another person followed closely behind, no doubt someone else trying to get away from Provazik.

About halfway up the large white staircase, I turned around and was treated to a lovely view. Green hills and forest opened up before me. For the first time since those buildings rose out of the ground, I felt myself relax a little.

"Well, I don't know where exactly we are," I said out loud, "but at least we're out of there."

My companion said nothing and smiled at me. It wasn't a friendly smile, but a malicious grin that made me uneasy once again. Too late, I realized what would happen. The beautiful green panorama melted away as if it had turned to water and I was back in that dark room with the little robot standing in front of me.

"There is no world outside Provazik," it said once again. "Not anymore."

I rushed out of the room and back into that entrance hallway. I no longer found it enchanting, especially with the increased amount of people wandering the circle. I searched frantically for an exit until my phone vibrated. I yanked it out of my pocket, desperately hoping that it was someone I knew. It was the robot.

"Why do you not cooperate?" it asked me.

"I don't want to stay here," I replied. "I want to do other things besides work. I want to see the world, I want to travel."

"You can earn travel," the robot said.

"What does that mean?"

"You work hard enough and you can earn travel. You will be accompanied by agents to the place you want to visit. After you see the sights, you will return."

Something wasn't right about this and I knew what it was.

"You just said there was no world outside Provazik," I said, with a faint sense of joy that I had outwitted the robot. "Now I can travel? You're a lying sack of shit! You're a fuckin' liar!"

That was only the beginning of the torrent of obscenity I sent through the phone to that little creature. Employees, if they could still even be called that, wandered past and gave me strange looks. Finally, I hung up the phone and resumed my futile search for an exit.

After what felt like an eternity of searching, I saw a woman who I recognized. I believed she was a co-worker, but my memories had been growing cloudier the longer I remained in Provazik. She and a small group of friends were ducking through a small exit against one of the walls. I rushed over and caught a glimpse of a beautiful stream just outside the door. A guard yanked my arm and I found myself unable to move. However, the woman heard the commotion and recognized me. She indicated to her friends that she would only be a moment.

"You have to reject all the choices," she said. "They're going to make you offers, make you think you have a choice. But they're all the same. You have to reject all the choices!"

With that, she and the others went out the door and down a small ramp. The door shut and then faded, as if it had never been there at all. The guard dragged me into another room. It was like a classroom, but with desks that looked comically large since they were intended for adults. At least this one had decent lighting. There was a massive TV-screen in front of the desks, presumably to deliver some kind of education. I didn't want to sit at any of the desks; I was afraid they would never let me stand up again. Another robot ambled around the room and handed me a pamphlet.

I opened it up and saw a list of options. These were the choices she had warned me about. They sounded great on paper and the charming illustrations didn't hurt, but upon close analysis it was clear that none of them would get me out of Provazik.

But if you reject all the choices, what was left to do? The answer suddenly came to me. I picked up a chair.

"You're going to have to kill me!" I shouted to the robots. "You'll have to kill me or I'll destroy this place!"

For some reason, I decided to sing Iron Maiden's "The Trooper" aloud...perhaps to become even more disruptive.

"You take my life, but I'll take yours too!" The chair hit the huge television with a glass crunch.

"You fire your musket, but I'll run you through!" The cracks widened after another hit.

And so it went, until the television was barely recognizable. The room around me seemed to blur and moments later, I woke up in bed. This wasn't another trick; I recognized my bedroom. For a moment, I was still convinced the experience had been real.

"I did it," I said quietly. "I'm out."

I went back to sleep and dreamed of other things.

18 Great South Park Episodes

It's hard to believe that when I first saw South Park as a high schooler in 1997 that it would become the television institution it is today. The show just started its 18th season by ripping the NFL and especially the Washington Redskins a new one. In honor of 18 years of kicking ass and taking names, here's an attempt to pick the top 18 episodes. While the quality of the show is known for being highly uneven from episode to episode (especially in the years since creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone started making all the episodes a week before their air date to best capitalize on current events), I was surprised how many I wanted to reference here. I didn't rank them from 18 to 1 - instead, they're listed in chronological order. Check out the Honorable Mentions for the ones that were just shy of getting a spot.

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (Season 1)

In this early classic, Stan gets a lesson in tolerance when he finds out his dog, Sparky, is gay. His initial revulsion drives the dog into the welcoming arms of Big Gay Al and his Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. Once Stan finds him, he learns about the history of gay rights in a hilarious Disneyworld-esque boat ride ("Uh-oh! Here come the oppressors! Christians, Nazis and Republicans! Phew, that was close!") Al is a walking gay stereotype ("I'm thuper, thanks for athking!") but he has such a sweet, gentle personality that the audience can't help but love him. The episode was fairly progressive for 1990s TV and even won a GLAAD award. Seeing it at a time when my morals were still being formed probably had an important role in shaping my attitudes about gay rights. This episode also demonstrated just how little regard Matt and Trey had for celebrities. George Clooney was an early fan of the show and eager for a guest spot, so he was given the chance to bark a few times as the voice of Sparky.

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (Season 1)

My memory of this episode, a parody of mascot-driven Christmas specials, is especially vivid. I can still recall seeing for the first time the scene where Mr. Hankey attacks Cartman, leaving a brown smear on his cheek. Mr. Garrison, aghast, shouts "Oh my Lord Kyle, did you just throw DOO-DOO at Eric?!" I was hit with overwhelming fits of laughter that continued through the subsequent commercial break. Just before that moment, Cartman had performed the classic "Kyle's Mom is a Bitch" song that would later wind up in the movie (which is better than all these episodes, if you haven't watched it, stop reading this and get that done!). While Mr. Hankey tried to comfort Kyle's feelings of exclusion as a Jew during the Christmas season, Mr. Garrison deals with increasingly ridiculous restrictions to the school's Christmas pageant imposed by political correctness. ("We can't use Christmas lights because they offend people with epilepsy.") As a result, the pageant turns into pretentious new-age nonsense with a Philip Glass score in a hysterical scene. A fantastic episode that foreshadowed what the show would be able to accomplish in the coming years.

The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka (Season 2)

The supporting cast of South Park features all sorts of colorful characters, including Jesus Christ himself. The Son of God walks around town with a permanent halo over his head and hosts a local public access show. In this episode, Jesus gets taken in by a sleazy producer who turns his harmless program into a trashy talk show that winds up featuring the boys after they get into a spat with local gun nut Jimbo over the titular frog. Urged on by the show's new producer, the boys indulge in a rapid-fire delivery of the worst Jerry Springer cliches that escalates to the point where Cartman hits Kenny in the head with a chair for no discernible reason. It's not all that far removed from the shows that are being parodied, but it's too much for Jesus, who shouts "Shut the fuck up! Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you people?!" It's not the deepest episode, but it's damn funny and introduced another fun gag at the very ending - the producer finds herself in hell, where Satan and Saddam Hussein are a couple.

Kenny Dies (Season 5)

After the first two seasons, the show struggled for a while, producing episodes that ranged from unmemorable to just plain awful (perhaps we can do a worst episode list some other time). They found some inspiration in changing up the show's formulas. Since the first episode, Kenny's primary character trait was that he would constantly die under bizarre circumstances, usually followed by the exchange - "Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!" Five seasons in, that was starting to get old and so they decided to kill the poor kid off "for real." This episode took a gag viewers were sick of and played it completely straight as Kenny tragically died and his friends struggled with grief. The story also addressed the issue of stem cell research, leading to a legendary scene of Cartman leading Congress in a sing-along of Asia's "Heat of the Moment." It's one of the best moments in South Park history, ridiculous and moving at the same time. As for Kenny, he was dead for quite a few episodes but eventually rejoined the gang.

The New Terrence and Philip Movie Trailer (Season 6)

The boys wait for a highly anticipated trailer to play during an episode of "Russell Crowe: Fightin' Round the World." In the meantime, the audience is treated to perhaps the funniest celebrity parody in the show's history. Mining comedic gold from Russell Crowe's infamous temper, "Fightin' Round the World" features him and his pet tugboat exploring the world in the manner of the late Steve Irwin ("There's a lot of black people and Puerto Ricans around here, and they don't take kindly to Whitey!"). This episode is a riot and my friends and I still do impersonations from it ("What are you lookin' at, you VAGINA?!"). Even Crowe himself admitted it was funny. As for that trailer? It winds up just being a lot of text flying at the screen while ominous music played in the background, a spot-on parody of empty "teasers."

A Ladder to Heaven (Season 6)

The show's talent for satirizing current events hit a new high around the time this episode aired. Still looking for their dead friend Kenny, the boys theorize if they can build a ladder high enough to reach Heaven, they'll find him. This leads to a brilliant parody of post 9/11 hysteria and fearmongering, with government officials telling the public that Heaven could be hoarding weapons of mass destruction. Meanwhile, country singer Alan Jackson brings an audience to tears with a song with the following lyrics - "9/11, oh 9/11, 9/11, oh 9/11," which wasn't too far from the emotionally manipulative bullshit he was peddling at the time. This episode was a wonderful catharsis at a time when many of us were getting sick of hearing patriotic glurge all the time...especially when it was about to get us into war with a completely unrelated nation. It also has one of my favorite South Park one-liners of all time, courtesy of Cartman: "Maybe we're not in heaven because one of us is a J-O-O?"

Good Times With Weapons (Season 8)

After buying some weapons at a flea market, the boys imagine themselves as anime warriors. One of the most visually exciting episodes, their imagined adventures are brought to vivid life with full anime-style sequences. The creators replicate the conventions of anime with exacting detail and even throw "Let's Fighting Love," a ridiculous Japanese song with mangled English phrases. It's all fun and games until Butters gets a shuriken in the eye - a sobering sequence that will feel familiar to any viewer with childhood memories of those moments where you knew you went too far and were going to get in big trouble. Going to absurd lengths to avoid the wrath of their parents, the boys hatch a scheme that ends in a parody of the Janet Jackson Super Bowl breast incident. It was an unexpected bit of commentary, but it works. "We didn't even get in trouble," they say after a hyperbolic town meeting. "I guess grown-ups don't care about violence if there's sex stuff going on!"

The Losing Edge (Season 9)

Your typical South Park episode has an "A" and "B" plotline. The "A" plot is the focus of the episode, while the "B" plot more or less happens in the background. A lot of episodes run into a problem with the A plot being great and the B plot being fairly weak (such as the "Passion of the Jew" episode) but in "The Losing Edge," both are firing on all cylinders. The A plot begins when the boys find out, to their dismay, that doing well in a regular season of Little League baseball means they have to play more sports in the post-season, not less. It's a welcome takedown of the assumption that sports is right for every kid as the script goes through a series of sports-movie cliches, flipped on their heads as the team tries its best to lose. Meanwhile, Randy Marsh finds himself in a "Rocky" situation as he tries to be the best of the best when it comes to getting drunk at games and starting fights with other parents ("What, isn't this America? I'm sorry, I thought this was America!") The storylines dovetail beautifully in this episode's perfect ending, another classic moment that's both funny and uplifting.

Erection Day (Season 9)

Nine years in, I didn't think South Park could shock me anymore. This episode proved me wrong. This sordid tale features late cast-addition Jimmy, a quick-witted kid with crutches and a stutter, trying to figure out how to control his spontaneous boners before he performs a stand-up comedy routine during a talent show. When he finds more about his...problem, things go haywire. The storyline plays to one of the strengths of the show's characterizations - while the kids talk like adults most of the time, they are still young and innocent in some ways and vulnerable to confusion about adult issues. My college roommates and I sat in front of the TV in stunned shock when Jimmy took one of his classmates to a fancy restaurant before asking her if he could "put my penis into your vagina." It only got more unhinged from there, spinning a crazy yarn of hookers, angry pimps and car chases.

Trapped in the Closet (Season 9)

This episode caused all sorts of commotion...but not immediately. The scathing takedown of Scientology aired originally without much of a fuss. It was when it was scheduled to rerun (someday we'll have to explain to our kids what "reruns" were) that the trouble started. Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef and a Scientologist himself, abruptly quit the show despite not having any problem when it first aired. Conspiracy theories were all over the place, in part because Scientology's most high-profile advocate, Tom Cruise, gets the South Park treatment in this episode as well. The cult claims that Stan is the reincarnation of founder L. Ron Hubbard, which gets the attention of Cruise and other celebrity Scientologists. When Stan tells Cruise, that he's "okay, not as good as the guy who played Napoleon Dynamite," the distraught actor locks himself in the closet. When his friends plea with him to "come out of the closet," the joke is not lost on anyone. However, the most incisive moment of the episode isn't even a joke - the bonkers Scientology creation myth is dramatized with a subtitle "This is what Scientologists actually believe" displayed as the audience learns about Xenu and the thetans. If Scientologists didn't abuse the legal system to intimidate people who call them out on their bullshit, I might even feel bad for them after the beatdown they got here. But they do, so I don't.

Cartoon Wars, Part I and II (Season 10)

Multi-part stories bring out the best in South Park and this storyline in particular was a major turning point. At first, it only seems like a parody of Family Guy and a very funny one at that, with fake clips that the random nonsense that passes for plot on that show. The reveal that Family Guy episodes are written by manatees who push random plot ideas through a water tank is more plausible than it ought to be. However, there is plenty more going on in "Cartoon Wars." In a scenario inspired by the violence in the Middle East over Danish cartoonists drawing the prophet Mohammed (taboo according to Islam doctrine), a controversy erupts in the South Park universe when it's revealed that Family Guy plans to show Mohammed in an upcoming episode and Cartman intends to manipulate the controversy to get the show off the air. At the end of Part I, following an epic tricycle chase between Cartman and Kyle, the narration revealed that Mohammed would be shown the following week, unless Comedy Central "pussed out." This went beyond incisive satire, this felt dangerous.

In the end, Comedy Central "pussed out" and refused to show the image of Mohammed on their network. In return, Trey and Matt punished the network for its hypocrisy by ending Part II with a scene of Jesus and President Bush crapping on the American Flag. Some commentators were offended, but that was the point. The show was allowed to offend those people but NOT the militant Muslims. If you think about it, it's pretty obnoxious that one group of hotheads thinks they can order not just fellow Muslims, but the entire goddamn world, not to draw something. For Matt and Trey, who wouldn't have a career without free expression, it's clearly personal. They tried this again in another two parter ("200" and "201") a few years later, but after a death threat from an extremist group, Comedy Central sliced "201" to ribbons. The irony of all this is that South Park had already shown Mohammed in an episode called "Super Best Friends" a few years earlier. Whoops!

Go God Go, Part I and II (Season 10)

And now for a group absolutely nobody cares about offending: atheists! In another spectacular two-part episode, Cartman simply can't bear to wait three weeks until the Nintendo Wii is released. So he does what anyone would do, he freezes himself in hopes of passing the time by instantly. Instead, he wakes up over 500 years into the future and is desperate to find a Wii, which is now ancient history. There are a lot of awesome details in this episode - the first scene in Part II is a glorious parody of this embarrassing jargon-filled exposition that plagues a lot of science-fiction and fantasy writing. As for atheism, that's where it gets really interesting. In the future, religion has been purged from Earth entirely, thanks to the actions of famous atheist/douchebag Richard Dawkins in the present. Religion is often blamed for the world's wars, so is a post-religion world now free of conflict? Nope, the atheists are at war with each other over what name to use for the society of atheists (They're also at war with highly evolved otters, but that's just for laughs). It's smart stuff and a funny way to criticize lazy atheist rhetoric - war is not a problem with any religion, it's a problem within humanity.

Fantastic Easter Special (Season 11)

It's such a good idea you wonder why it hadn't been done earlier. This clever, funny and delightful episode takes Easter and gives it the full Da Vinci Code treatment, including secret societies of men in rabbit ears, clues in Leonardo Da Vinci's Last Supper painting and a conspiracy deep in the bowels of Vatican City. It's incredibly silly, but the tone of Da Vinci Code is maintained and the result is just as gripping in spite of itself. The real enemy turns out not to be the Pope, but Catholic League President Bill Donohue, one of those professional trolls who goes on TV to whine about the poor, oppressed Catholic Church every time someone mentions the recurring problem they have with child molestation. The only one who can stop him is Jesus, who can only use his superpowers when he's dead, putting Kyle in an awkward situation ("Eric Cartman can never know about this."). The climax of the episode, when Jesus slices that weasel Donohue in half with a giant shuriken in slow motion, is sublime.

The "Imaginationland" Trilogy (Season 11)

Excluding the movie, these Emmy-winning three episodes are South Park's finest achievement. Cartman and Kyle make a wager about whether or not leprechauns exist, with Kyle being obliged to suck Cartman's balls if he's wrong. Well, sure enough, they take a walk in the woods and catch a real-life leprechaun. But before Cartman can claim his prize, the rest of the boys are whisked off to Imaginationland, an alternate universe populated by all the characters humanity has ever dreamed up. The fun stops when terrorists attack the imaginary realm and blow open a stone wall that separated the heroic characters from the villains, setting the stage for a major clash. Meanwhile, all Cartman is concerned with is trying to get Kyle to suck his balls ("You think this is about pleasure? It's about humiliation!"). There's a lot going on, all of it perfectly paced and balanced, with a great central metaphor. "Terrorists attacking our imagination" might as well be the slogan of the last decade.

The trilogy is just a full-on blast of fun. Pause the screen at any point in the Imaginationland scenes and you're bound to find more familiar characters lurking in the background. The concluding battle features all sorts of epic matchups, whether it's Morpheus vs. Freddy Krueger or Jesus vs. the Xenomorph Alien. There are so many fantastic moments and I've just got to list a few - the military interviewing Hollywood directors to try and figure out what's going on, a shot-for-shot recreation of a famous moment in Saving Private Ryan where Ronald McDonald picks up his own arm while the camera shakes, Cartman's nightmare about his dry balls, a series of characters (such as Luke Skywalker, Superman and Captain Crunch) taking turns giving Kyle a pep talk, Aslan's freakout when chosen warrior Butters can't figure out his new powers ("Imagine Santa Claus RIGHT NOW!"). This is strong enough material to have been a second theatrical film and indeed, there is a DVD release of the trilogy edited together.

Britney's New Look (Season 12)

When I saw that Britney Spears would appear in the latest South Park episode, I expected her to get the same severe roasting that dozens of celebrities had gotten before her. I was pleasantly surprised that Trey and Matt portrayed Britney in a sympathetic light while roasting targets far more worthy of derision - the noxious tabloid culture that turns young (usually female) performers into queens of the world only to violently bring them down with their snooping and nitpicking. The episode starts off with a grisly twist as Britney Spears attempts suicide but only manages to blow the top half of her head off and somehow survive. The boys take pity on her as she tries to resume her career, but things go farther downhill after a performance where critics obsess about her weight (apparently not noticing that half her head is missing). The struggle to keep her out of the clutches of the paparazzi becomes more desperate and the story turns into an homage to "The Lottery," Shirley Jackson's classic short story about human sacrifice. The comparison is scarily apt and while this isn't the funniest episode, the tragic denouement is very powerful.

Margaritaville (Season 13)

This episode is an ambitious look at the Great Recession that turned out to be surprisingly resonant. In the wake of the 2008 financial meltdown, the South Park community predictably overreacts, forcing everyone to dress in rags and act like it's the Dark Ages. Stan is left to try and return his father's huge margarita-mixing machine, a goofy metaphor for the risky mortgage sales that contributed to the recession. Back in town, Kyle begins to rebel against the prevailing attitudes and the story turns into an effective retelling of the life of Jesus. There are a lot of great moments in this episode, from Kyle's sermon on the mount about the inherent emptiness of credit cards, a Last Supper in which Cartman acts a little too appalled at the suggestion that someone might betray this new Messiah ("Hey, if anyone's thinking of betraying Kyle, that is NOT COOL! You're being a DICK!") and the moving final sacrifice he makes to restore the town's confidence. It sounds surprising to hear that a show starring characters made of construction paper can offer a thoughtful commentary on the intangible nature of the economy and how society treats it as a religion, but there it is.

The "Coon and Friends" Trilogy (Season 14)

A previous one-off episode laid the foundation for this arc, introducing Kenny's alter-ego Mysterion (who can talk!) and Cartman as "The Coon" (Raccoon, of course. Were you thinking of something else?) This three-parter upgraded the premise to a full superhero team and chronicles the rivalries and struggles for power that come up with a big group of kids. Things take a turn for the cosmic when everyone's least favorite oil company BP accidentally releases H.P. Lovecraft's dark lord Cthulhu while drilling in the Gulf of Mexico. An unlikely friendship between Cartman and the evil deity could mean the end of the world, or at the very least, bad news for The Burning Man festival and Justin Bieber. As with the "Imaginationland" trilogy, the large scale of the story makes room for numerous classic moments - Cartman recreating a famous scene from A Clockwork Orange and beating up his friends in slow-motion, the fantastic sequences telling the story with comic-book illustrations, a Miyazaki-esque musical number featuring Cthulhu and the final revelations involving a superhero named "Mintberry Crunch."

However, what was more interesting to longtime South Park fans was the surprising amount of character development for Kenny, who had been with us since the very first episode. It turns out Kenny does have a superpower - immortality. Every time he dies, he reappears in his family home, with the memory of his death wiped from those who witness it. The fact that the writers decided to explain a ridiculous gag that has been consistent for over a decade is both funny and fascinating. I don't think I'm alone among the fanbase in wishing that there was more tight continuity between South Park episodes, but I don't think the creators will ever fully embrace that.

The "Black Friday" Trilogy (Season 17)

The last featured episode is from last season - an awesome blend of parody, scathing social commentary and jokes about "wieners," is proof that South Park can still bring it every so often. The inspired premise is a detailed parody of Game of Thrones with the overblown rivalry between the Xbox One and Playstation 4 consoles functioning as the warring houses of Westeros. In keeping with the show, everyone walks around in medieval outfits, alliances are made and broken, grave matters are discussed in beautiful gardens, and everything comes to a shocking climax at the Red Robin Wedding. Meanwhile, Stan's father becomes a mall security guard and the show turns him and his colleagues into the Night's Watch, guarding the mall against an incoming horde of insane shoppers. In true Game of Thrones fashion, it's a long wait until the big moment, but it's worth it. Real footage from last year's Black Friday mayhem is incorporated into the finale, which says more about this nauseating American tradition than any monologue could. In a devastatingly incisive scene, the boys wander the mall through pools of blood that run up to their knees while gentle piano music (meant to invoke A Charlie Brown Christmas) plays in the background. It's a stunning moment that shows the South Park well isn't dry just yet. And you gotta love the parting shot at just how little these $500 game consoles change with each iteration ("Wow, the graphics are like 10 percent better."). Keep giving them hell, guys.

And now for the Honorable Mentions!
Clubhouses (Season 2)
Chef-Aid (Season 2)
It Hits the Fan (Season 5)
Osama bin Laden has Farty Pants (Season 5)
The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers (Season 6)
My Future Self and Me (Season 6)
Quest For Ratings (Season 8)
About Last Night (Season 12)
Elementary School Musical (Season 12)
The Ring (Season 13)
Butters Bottom Bitch (Season 13)
You Have 0 Friends (Season 14)

Screw you guys...I'm going home!

Things to Come

I haven't written much on here lately, but that doesn't mean I'm out of ideas...not by a long shot. I figured I would put up a brief little housekeeping note to give my readers (if I have any) an idea of what I'll have up here in the next few months.

The Tales From the Crypt series is on hiatus for now. I was having fun with it and I do intend to write more, but I'm just taking a break and focusing on watching other stuff when I have free time. When you got two little kids running around, you've got to make tough choices about your time. First world problems, you know?

I've had a feature about South Park I've wanted to write for a while when the time was right. Well, with a new season imminent, that time has come. Expect that first and then maybe a few more entries in the Nostalgia Series. One for a movie, one for an anime and one for a cartoon that's been very prominent on this blog.

There is also a much bigger undertaking I've taken on...something all film critics do at one point or another. It's just a question of when you feel qualified to do so. I first thought about doing it in late 2013 but realized I would need a lot of time to prepare. What kind of preparation? All will become clear in time. Maybe a lot of time. I think it's probably best to wait for this one until after the Oscars, which are coming soon!

Keep checking in, there will be more stuff before you know it!