Iron Maiden Commentary - Part Six

Somewhere in Time (1986)

After three albums of universally acclaimed metal glory, Iron Maiden decided to experiment. Somewhere in Time is the band's first album to feature synthesizers, manned by bassist and creative leader Steve Harris. While the synth is not nearly as excessive as other music to come out of the 1980s, the addition earned an ambivalent response from fans and would gradually cause tension in the band as well. It's worth noting that the most successful single off this album has no synth at all.

This album doesn't have the same kind of prestige as the rest of the "Golden Age" material, though the passage of time (there's a bit of irony) has been kind to it. The synth isn't the only thing that's different. The subject matter and lyrics are often surprisingly upbeat - the usual "war is hell" stuff is notably absent. However, this may not have been a negative in the end...that same big single I mentioned in the first paragraph is by far one of Maiden's most hopeful songs. As for the synth, Harris would slowly refine his skill with this powerful tool over the years and eventually switch to a real keyboard.

The epic intro to "Caught Somewhere in Time" lets you know immediately what you're in for. While the synth element does place this song a bit more firmly in the 80s than some of the band's other material from this era, I still think it sounds pretty cool. This song has a blindingly fast drum part (in general, Nicko gets a real workout on this album) and a quality sing-along chorus. I'm not sure the 7-minute length is totally justified, but it's a good listen.

"Wasted Years" is the only track from this album that has achieved the sort of fame even close to some of the band's past hits. The opening riff, fast and menacing, is legendary among metal enthusiasts, though what's also worth noting is how non-menacing the song turns out to be. The narrator wonders if he's truly making the most of every moment, only to realize that there are no "wasted years," and worrying about that will just make you miss the "golden" ones. The upbeat chorus could just as easily be transplanted to a classic rock piece, though then you probably wouldn't have that awesome riff. The uplifting lyrics shouldn't work so well with that intimidating guitar sound, but somehow the whole song just comes together.

There's a lot going on in "Sea of Madness," maybe too much. The guitar and especially the bass are going non-stop and Nicko doesn't seem to ever remove his foot from the kick drum. It always feels like this song should be more memorable, but it never seems to make much of an impression on me. Lyrically, it's definitely the downer in this group of tracks. The narrator looks at the insanity all around him and just...walks away. There's only so much bullshit you can deal with before it just gets to be too much, which is a theme that would return many times in Iron Maiden's work.

The epic "Heaven Can Wait" never became a single, but has become beloved within the Maiden fandom. The emotional, evocative lyrics depict a man in the throes of a near-death experience. He gets right to the gates of heaven before deciding that it can "wait for another day" and returning to life. During live shows, the band capitalizes on the song's feel-good vibe by inviting a group of fans onstage to participate in the irresistable sing-along section about halfway through the song. Good luck trying to stay in a bad mood after listening to this one.

For whatever reason, songs with very long titles don't inspire confidence. So when I looked at this album's track list and found "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner," I thought "what the hell kind of title is that? Good luck making that work." Well, that shows how little I know. This consistently underrated song is one of the album's best and another track that can really lift your spirits. All the instruments work together to conjure up the feeling of sprinting and watching scenery fly past. The lyrics work off the obvious metaphor for perseverance that can be derived from a long-distance race. "Must be so determined and push myself on" applies to all of life, not just a marathon.

"Stranger in a Strange Land" is a cool mid-tempo song that nicely balances the synth with the rest of the instruments. It tells the story of an Arctic explorer who is eventually frozen in ice and discovered in the future by scientists. The song was another single off the album, which is hardly surprising with the catchy riff and singing in the chorus. Interesting to note the repeated use of the phrase "brave new world," a concept which clearly resonated with the band for decades after this album was released.

Iron Maiden may be able to make seemingly mundane things like getting older or running sound totally epic with their musical style, but "Deja Vu" is pushing it. Never mind that some parts are a little too similar to "..Long Distance Runner," the lyrics combined with Bruce's singing go way into unintentional humor territory. Is having vague recollections of past events really this epic? When I'm listening to this and I hear Bruce sing "Ever had a conversation that you realize that you've had before? ISN'T IT STRAAAAANGE?!" I can't help but laugh. Maybe I'm being a bit too mean. This is still a good song, just impossible to take seriously.

Iron Maiden has never played the eight and half minute "Alexander the Great" live, which has mystified fans for decades. The closest they got was Bruce singing the chorus through the kazoo as a gag during one of the concerts. It's a bit of a shame, since I suspect the absolutely tremendous instrumentation would carry over very well on stage. Just try not to get pumped up by the gentle, epic introduction. It definitely matches a song like "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" in terms of atmosphere, but not even close in terms of lyrics. In fact, there's a surprising lack of poetry and imagination in them. It's just a list of names, places and battles. It might make a decent study guide to Hellenistic history, but I would think they would try harder given that this is one of the most legendary warriors of all time. That said, the instruments are absolutely on fire for this one and are able to make up the difference.

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Overall Strengths: The synth often adds interesting textures to the music and some of the songs reveal the band's surprising prowess at crafting uplifting songs.

Overall Weaknesses: Perhaps not quite as superb as some of its predecessors. The reasons for this vary among fans, but I personally would cite lyrical inconsistency. The writing for a few songs is paper-thin.

Recommended Tracks
Wasted Years
Heaven Can Wait
The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner
Alexander the Great

Next: The band produces an epic concept album with "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son."

Iron Maiden Commentary - Part Five

Powerslave (1984)

For the third time in a row, we have a revered album speculated by some fans to be Iron Maiden's absolute best. Seeing a pattern? This era of their discography isn't called the "golden age" for nothing. Powerslave kicks off with two of Maiden's most famous songs, and ends with one of their most respected epics, and the longest song they ever wrote. Aside from the songs generally being longer, the band didn't change much of what worked from Piece of Mind.

In discussions of this album, it becomes clear that the list of tracks is a bit polarized. Half of the eight songs are all-time classics. The other half...well, none of them are bad, but they're not on the same level. I personally don't find this album as easy to listen to all the way through as some of the band's other work. I'm always skipping ahead to get to the great stuff. Still, the quality of the best tracks on here easily makes it one of the band's best.

Album openers don't get much better than the thrilling "Aces High," a rip-roaring tribute to the English pilots who defended London from Nazi bombers during the Battle of Britain. You won't find the band's signature anti-war commentary here (that's saved for the next track), just an exciting song filled with nerdy details about ME-109's and "guns sending flack." The instruments are unusually well-synched, even for Maiden, and the vocals soar higher and higher during the chorus just like one of those planes. One of the band's all-time best.

The title of "2 Minutes to Midnight" is a reference to a "doomsday clock" utilized by Cold War scientists as a symbolic method to predict just how close the world was to nuclear annihilation. Midnight would be the end times, and the scientists set the clock at 23:58 when the USA and Russia both tested out hydrogen bombs. Armed with another classic riff and a blistering chorus (listen to those harmonies!), this is one of the angriest songs Iron Maiden has ever written. Anti-war themes are consistent throughout their work, but I don't know if they ever released another song with this much frothing-at-the-mouth contempt. The lyrics have a furious poetry and hit hard - "As the madman play on words and make us all dance to their song, to the tune of starving millions to make a better kind of gun." The ending warns that "midnight...is all night." Let's hope it never comes to that.

After that amazing one-two punch comes "Losfer Words (Big Orra)," the fourth and final instrumental track in their career. Like the others the band did earlier, this song is entertaining but nothing to blow your mind. The next song, "Flash of the Blade," has a badass riff going for it and not much else. The subject matter is very similar to "Sun and Steel," with a medieval Europe setting instead of Japan. Not quite as catchy, though.

"The Duellists" is yet another song about sword-fighting...two in a row? Really? This one has a creative instrumental section in the middle, but overall goes on for too long, has a bit too much cheese in its chorus, and doesn't wind up being especially memorable. Next up is "Back in the Village," which is actually a sequel to "The Prisoner." Unfortunately, it doesn't really capture the thrill of its predecessor. The bouncy riff and drums can get you banging your head, but something just doesn't click. I think it's Bruce's vocals, which are unusually nasal in this song. However, it does end with a very cool outro that leads into...

"Powerslave." We're past the album's iffy middle section and from here on out, we're good. The album's title song is awesomely ominous, with a bizarre vocal melody and a superb three-chord riff that precedes each chorus. The lyrics depict the thoughts of a spoiled Pharaoh who has to face the reality of death, something no amount of money or influence will prevent. I've also heard many times that this is a metaphor for the band's resentment about being slaves to record companies. I'm not sure I buy that; Maiden's not the type to let anything get in the way of their creative expression. But the lyrics to this are almost an afterthought, because the real selling point of this song is the phenomenal middle section. In the span of a couple minutes, you get a slow guitar solo, a faster solo, a section that highlights the bass, yet another guitar solo, and a drum solo. It's truly incredible and if I'm driving while this part is playing, I have to be careful or else I'll be at 90 mph and not even realize it. This song is a perfect demonstration of another thing I really appreciate about the band...the rhythm support during solos. During the solos, pay attention to what the other guitar is doing...and what Nicko is doing on drums. It's a large part of the reason these solos are so effective.

Only one more song? Don't worry, you're going to get your money's worth. "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" is 13 minutes and 34 seconds of brilliance and still the longest song the band has ever written. If you remember Samuel Taylor Coleridge's elaborate poem from high school English class, you will be surprised at just how solid an adaptation this epic is. The song explores the core themes and motifs of the poem and is a hell of a lot more entertaining, if I may be so bold. After the busy first few minutes, we get a chilling section the middle where Steve Harris's bassline evokes the Mariner's lonely voyage on the sea. Meanwhile, Bruce actually reads a passage from the poem out loud to eerie effect. After following that up with some powerful vocals and one of his highest screams ever (no matter how hard I try, I can't hit it), we sprint to the finish line with solid solos and a return to the style of the intro. It was easily the most thrilling and evocative composition of the band's career at this point and still has few equals. Now this is how you end an album.

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Overall Strengths: This album's best songs are some of the finest songs Iron Maiden has ever done. "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" justifies buying the whole album itself, never mind how great some of the other stuff is.

Overall Weaknesses: Half the album is phenomenal, the other half...is just okay. Not the most consistent set of tracks in the band's catalogue. Picking four tracks to recommend probably shouldn't be this easy.

Recommended Tracks
Aces High
2 Minutes to Midnight
Powerslave
Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Next: The band begins to experiment with new sounds on "Somewhere in Time"

Iron Maiden Commentary - Part Four

Piece of Mind (1983)

With Nicko McBrain replacing the departing Clive Burr on drums, the classic Iron Maiden line-up is complete for this album. We're still firmly in the band's "golden age" here...and many Maiden fans feel that while The Number of the Beast always gets more attention, this album is actually better and may be the band's best. Of course, nearly all of these "golden age" albums have a crowd that will place them at the top of the heap, so make of that what you will.

What is definitely significant about Piece of Mind is that the band has fully adjusted from the departure of original vocalist Paul Di'Anno and established its signature style. The scruffy tales of street violence are long gone - most of the subject matter here is rooted in mythology, history or literature. There is also more experimentation going on in terms of structure (most evident in "Revelations" and "To Tame A Land"), and that progressive undercurrent will continue to mature throughout the band's entire career.

Note: Corporate bullshit at YouTube is giving me a hard time about using these songs in playlists, even though they still can be shared individually. Yeah, it's completely and utterly stupid, but that's the commercial music industry for you. I had this entry up with one video for each song, but that looked sloppy. So instead, the song titles will link to the YouTube video. I'll miss the playlists too, but that's the shitty card we were dealt.

"Where Eagles Dare" opens with an awesome drum roll that introduces the world to Nicko. The story of a daring wartime rescue mission, half of this song is devoted to a long instrumental section (gunfire sounds are tossed in for another bit of flavor). Lest you think Bruce Dickinson has gotten the short shrift, he closes out the song with a mighty high note. This song kicks some serious ass.

"Revelations" is an odd mid-tempo song that takes many listens to sink in. I can't really figure out if it's supposed to be about anything other than a verbal salad of apocalyptic imagery, but it is strangely compelling nonetheless.

The Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus gets a bombastic (though not entirely accurate) dramatization in "Flight of Icarus." Guitarists Adrian Smith and Dave Murray turn in blazing solos and Dickinson makes the chorus soar just like Icarus did before the sun melted his wax wings. In general, this is one of Big Bruce's most unrestrained performances - he hits inhumanly high notes at the very end. A highlight of the album, though the next two tracks are even better.

It's impossible to sit still during "Die With Your Boots On," a burly beast of a song with great riffs and thundering drums. The lyrics are a gleefully irreverent takedown of fearmongering by political and religious demagogues "predicting war for millions, in the hope that one appears." Despite the sarcasm, it seeks to empower the listener, declaring that "the truth of all predictions...is always in your hands."

"The Trooper"does not need much introduction. This metal classic has gained the same level of fame as "Run to the Hills," even getting a shoutout in the novel World War Z as the song played by American troops to get them pumped up for zombie-killing action. A stunning riff that synchronizes the guitar and bass kicks things off, followed by a series of trills that is meant to evoke the galloping of horses. The title character is a soldier in the Crimean War, and this was the first of many Maiden songs that discussed the horror and stupidity of war, though it's more subtle here. After the trooper gets shot, the final lines state that he is "forgotten and alone." Some reward for wartime bravery, eh? This song is a true masterpiece that fully deserves its enduring fame.

What most people remember about "Still Life" is the garbled nonsense during the intro. Iron Maiden decided to have some fun at the expense of their Christian Right critics - when they weren't demonizing metal fans over "The Number of the Beast," they were searching for Satanic messages played backwards on records. If they bothered to reverse it, all they would have heard was Nicko's drunken impersonation of African dictator Idi Amin. The song itself is a spooky, macabre story about a man who becomes obsessed with the images he claims to see in a pool of water...obsessed to a dangerous extent. The lyrics do a very impressive job of telling this tale.

"Quest For Fire" is based on the movie of the same name about tribes of cavemen searching for a power they did not yet understand. The first line makes paleontologists cry and the whole thing is massively cheesy. Still, it's a charming kind of cheese and is still fun to listen to.

Next is the samurai tale "Sun and Steel." It's short and simple, with a devilishly catchy chorus. One thing worth noting about this album is all the tracks that seem like filler are more enjoyable than they probably have a right to be. This is probably one of the most solid albums to listen from beginning to end.

This album's concluding epic is "To Tame A Land," based on Frank Herbert's Dune. In fact, the band wanted to name the song after the book but the author made it clear he hated metal and wanted nothing to do with it, so the name was changed. Bruce got some revenge in the subsequent tour - while introducing the song, he referred to Herbert as "a bit of a cunt, actually." This track is no "Hallowed Be Thy Name," but it does a damn good job of evoking the barren scenery of its source material and Steve Harris gives a phenomenal bass performance. The lyrics prove to be a bit of a drawback...they are so full of Dune jargon that it becomes utterly incomprehensible to all but the hardcore fans of the book.

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Overall Strengths: A very solid album with few, if any, weak points.

Overall Weaknesses: Not many, but this album doesn't produce as many all-time classics as some other "golden age" material.

Recommended Tracks
Where Eagles Dare
Flight of Icarus
Die With Your Boots On
The Trooper

Next: The band keeps things going strong (and crafts its longest song ever) with "Powerslave."

Iron Maiden Commentary - Part Three

The Number of the Beast (1982)

If you have only limited knowledge of Iron Maiden, this album (and its title song) are what you are likely most familiar with. This album, widely considered one of the greatest, if not the greatest, in Metal history was a phenomenal success worldwide. Fans consider it to be the beginning of the band's "golden age," a series of superb albums that continues throughout the rest of the 1980s. Part of this album's success came from the controversy around its use of Satanic vocabluary, but more on that later.

After the departure of vocalist Paul Di'Anno, the band chose someone with a radically different voice. Dramatic tenor Bruce Dickinson could shriek like few others, earning him the nickname "the Air Raid Siren." Iron Maiden had been putting out exciting metal from day one, but Bruce's voice adds a whole new level of drama. The music began to adjust accordingly - the songs began to get longer and the lyrics began to branch far beyond the tales of street violence that characterized most of the last two albums. You can make a convincing argument that the seeds of the subgenre that became "power metal" were planted with The Number of the Beast.

Drummer Clive Burr, whose work on this album is simply brilliant, would leave the band before the next album emerged. He was later diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and medical costs left him bankrupt. Iron Maiden's members are still close with Burr and they have staged multiple charity concerts on his behalf. His plight brought attention to MS within the metal community and the "Clive Aid" charity still works to raise funds for various MS-related programs around the world.



Given this album's formidable reputation, I'm still shocked at how much I dislike the first track. "Invaders," about the Viking conquests, is so cheesy that it borders on Spinal Tap territory. The verses go so fast that Dickinson barely has time to enunciate anything, and the chorus is impossible to take seriously. Bruce sings "In-VAY-ders!" and then there's a dinky little riff, followed by a shout of some Viking-relating gerund like "Pillaging!" It's not the worst track Iron Maiden ever made (those will come much later in this series), but it's pretty damn bad.

Things improve in a BIG way with "Children of the Damned." Based on the vintage horror film, this song features absolutely face-melting vocals by Dickinson. All of the instruments are in top-form, but this song is undeniably a vocal showcase, treating the listener to a pro singer at the top of his game. At one point, he holds a note for a good 20 seconds. If you think that doesn't sound like much, try it sometime. One more thing to note about this song - it's the first example of what I'll call the "repetition problem," an ongoing complaint from some people about Maiden songs which use the same phrase or phrases repeatedly to make up the chorus. In this case, it's "Children of the Damned" four times in a row, but it works just fine. This issue will come up many times over the course of this series, however.

Next is "The Prisoner," inspired by a 1960s British TV mini-series that the band were huge fans of. Iron Maiden even secured the permission of co-creator and star Patrick McGoohan to use audio from the series in the song's introduction. According to Maiden lore, the band was star-struck during a fateful phone call and babbled incoherently about their plans to pay tribute to the show. "A heavy metal band, you say?" McGoohan replied, before taking a dramatic pause. "Do it!" The song is an uplifting anthem about individuality and defiance that requires no knowledge of the show to appreciate. The solo is amazing too.

"22 Acacia Avenue" is a song I never really "got." It's the second installment of the "Charlotte the Harlot" saga. It seems like a song that was written for Di'Anno and lyrically, it's just as goofy as its predecessor (the line "it's no life for you, stop all this screwin'" always makes me laugh). This song has some ardent fans, but I guess I'm not seeing what they are.

From the ominous opening narration to Dickinson's legendary shriek, "The Number of the Beast" is one of the most famous songs in metal history. Indeed, all the pieces are in place - the twin-guitar assault, Steve Harris's busy bassline and Burr's dynamic drumming. It's popularity is well deserved, though most serious Iron Maiden fans will tell you that they enjoy the song, but feel that there is much better work to be found on this album and in the band's career as a whole. Kinda like how very few Metallica fans feel "Enter Sandman," while classic, is the band's best song.

This song inspired a wave of protests from the Christian Right following its 1982 debut, with many gathering to burn records and sentence all metal fans to eternal damnation. Let's be clear - anyone who actually thinks this song endorses Satanism is a moron who is only taking the song's name at face value and not bothering to read the lyrics, which make it clear Satan is something to be feared, not worshipped. It was inspired by a nightmare Steve Harris had after watching The Omen. Are we still allowed to talk about our nightmares? Is that okay with you? Well if it's not, too fucking bad. In the end, they shot themselves in the foot with this whole incident. Young listeners everywhere said "Hey, you don't get to tell me what music I can or can't listen to!" and thus a huge amount of new fans were introduced to the band and inspired other groups like Slayer to follow suit, after realizing that pissing off these so-called moral guardians was both easy and profitable.

"Run to the Hills" is another all-time classic, and it's appeal is best summed up by a coundtown of the great hard rock/metal songs aired on VH1. "Everything about that song is impossible," said music critic Steve Huey. "The drums are impossibly fast, the bass playing will give you tendonitis, and the chorus has impossibly high notes." A brutal account of the Native American genocide, the song is a four minute blast of pure metal that retains its ability to stun listeners (and the fact that it was turned into a laughably difficult song on Rock Band on ALL the instruments led to a whole different sort of appreciation). Wisely, Maiden never really tried to out-do this song in terms of speed. A few come close (we'll get to "The Trooper" and "The Evil That Men Do" in future entries), but the band could hardly be called a one-trick pony...many other tricks were up their sleeves.

"Gangland" kicks off with an awesome drum solo from Burr and makes for a very fun listen overall. With its story of gang violence, it was probably written for Di'Anno but Dickinson manages to make it his own. This song seems to have a weak reputation among the band's fandom at large, but I've always enjoyed it.

"Total Eclipse," a dark story of environmental devastation, was originally left off the album but later restored on a 1990s re-release. Listening to it today with a knowledge of Iron Maiden's later work makes it feel way ahead of its time. It may be the first time the band lent their voice to a current issue, and the progressive elements hint at some of the experimentation that would come in later albums. The mournful section that starts about 3 minutes in is a highlight.

As good as most of these songs are, none of them can match the epic grandeur of the album's final track, "Hallowed Be Thy Name." Most Maiden fans consider this song to be not just the crown jewel of the album, but the band's finest work and arguably the greatest metal song ever written. A tale of a man whose religious convictions are put to the test as his faces his own death, the genre had never seen anything with this much sheer power. The long instrumental section likely represents the protagonist's soul leaving his body and facing the great beyond, and what exactly is meant by the song's final invocation of the Lord's Prayer is left to the listener. The whole band is at the top of their game, but special attention needs to be given to Dickinson and especially Burr. With its elaborate drum fills, this song was the perfect way for him to go out. One final thing to note - whenever I make CDs or ITunes playlists featuring Iron Maiden, this song is always last. Why? Because nothing can follow it.

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Overall Strengths: The album is a bona fide milestone and features several of Iron Maiden's best and most beloved songs.

Overall Weaknesses: Some songs make it clear this is still a band in transition. "Invaders" is just bad.

Recommended Tracks
Children of the Damned
The Prisoner
Run to the Hills
Hallowed Be Thy Name

Next: Nicko McBrain takes over on drums and the classic line-up is complete for "Piece of Mind."

Iron Maiden Commentary - Part Two

Killers (1981)

Longer and nastier than its predecessor, Iron Maiden's second album is an impressive demonstration of the style of metal the band helped create. They would evolve a great deal over the course of their career, and while the music would get much more complex and sophisticated, I don't think it ever got faster than some of the songs on Killers.

While Iron Maiden was something of a metal potpourri (there's a Jeopardy word for you) with little similarity between the individual songs, Killers is much more unified in both style and subject matter. As the name would suggest, the thematic element tying this album together is murder. Insane serial killers (the title track), punks plotting the demise of their enemies ("Wrathchild"), unfortunate saps who have been wrongly accused ("Murders in the Rue Morgue," "Innocent Exile"), victims communicating from beyond ("Twilight Zone"), scoundrels hoping to atone ("Prodigal Son," "Drifter"), it's all here.

Guitarist Dennis Straton left the band after the first album and was replaced by Adrian Smith. With him on the team, the entire ensemble is even stronger, though more changes would be on the way. Singer Paul Di'Anno, who contributes a lot of great vocals this time around, was kicked out of the band after his rampant cocaine and alcohol use began bringing down the band's live performances. The rest of the band avoided most of the drug-related pitfalls that plague musicians, and Di'Anno already had a reputation for troublemaking. He went on to a semi-successful solo career and is apparently still quite a scoundrel - he just recently completed a jail sentence for welfare fraud.



The album's first track is the instrumental "The Ides of March,", a very brief song that serves mostly as an epic intro to "Wrathchild." Though never released as a single, it remains the most consistently popular track off this album and it isn't hard to see why. Everything just works - Steve Harris's badass bass intro, Smith and Murray's screaming guitars, Di'Anno's growling, and Clive Burr's verstatile drumming. The brief drum solo in the middle is right up there with "In the Air Tonight" in terms of air-drumming potential.

"Murders in the Rue Morgue" has a slow intro that quickly revs up into a series of furious riffs that evoke a high-speed pursuit. Based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe, the lyrics are unusually detailed as far as this early Maiden stuff goes. Our protagonist is on the run after being accused of two murders he didn't commit (or did he?)

So far so good, though things falter a bit with the next few tracks. I'm forever getting "Another Life" and "Innocent Exile" mixed up - both have scant but repetitive lyrics and long instrumental sections. Sandwiched between them is another instrumental track, "Genghis Khan," which does a decent job evoking the kind of epic battles associated with its namesake. That said, I'm not sure the album needed another track sans lyrics. Upon closer examination, "Another Life" is the weaker of the two songs. It's basically one verse repeated multiple times and there's very little that stands out musically either. "Innocent Exile" fares better, with a nice bass intro and some quality Di'Anno shrieks.

"Killers" is one of the best tracks on the album, which is evident from the stunning introduction. It leads off with another awesome bass intro by Harris (this album as a whole is a perfect demonstration of his skills) and a series of spooky yells from Di'Anno. Then it kicks into high-gear and doesn't stop until the very end. The drum part that starts at about 2:18 is jaw-droppingly fast. Lyrically, it's complex and interesting. The killer seems to be driven by some twisted moral motive and seems to have moments of guilt...but in the end, "his bloodlust defies all his needs."

"Prodigal Son" doesn't really do much for me. Normally, I'm a big fan of Maiden's ballads, but this one lacks the haunting qualities that made "Strange World" so great. It's not bad, but usually when I'm listening to this album in full, I find myself waiting for this one to be over.

Then there's "Purgatory." Holy shit, "Purgatory." Iron Maiden crams more awesome riffs into this three and a half minute song than most bands do in entire albums. It careens forward at top speed, and Di'Anno sounds like he's having an absolute blast singing this one. It never fails to get me psyched up, but for whatever reason it's a consistently underrated song in the band's catalogue.

Next is "Twilight Zone," a trim song with no connection to the television show of the same name. Given its 70s rock vibe, a better comparison might be to Golden Earring, who has a song with this same title. It's enjoyable, though I find it a little too short. You start getting into it and then it just ends.

The lyrics of "Drifter" make references to the idea of moving on and hoping for a better future, and I can't help thinking of Di'Anno's departure when I listen to it, though I don't think that was intentional. It's a pretty complex finale to the album, with a lot of tempo changes and some interesting solos.

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Overall Strengths: The skills of all the musicians involved was already impressive on the last album and on this one they have only gotten better, especially Steve Harris's phenomenal bass. A very strong album with a unified theme and feel.

Overall Weaknesses: The songs can be a little too similar at times, particularly in the same-ey middle section.

Recommended Tracks
The Ides of March/Wrathchild
Murders in the Rue Morgue
Killers
Purgatory

Next: Bruce Dickinson arrives and the band changes metal forever with "The Number of the Beast."

Iron Maiden Commentary - Part One

Part review, part tribute, all metal.

This series, which I intend to finish over the summer but could also wind up reaching well into fall, will go through each of the band's fifteen studio albums in an attempt to articulate the qualities that have made Iron Maiden such a highly-respected and unstoppable force within the realm of metal music.

So why them? Well, there's a lot to say about this music...so much so that a website with the name "The Iron Maiden Commentary" exists and can keep you busy for hours if you like. This series won't go into that exhausting level of detail and will be more personalized. Believe it or not, I'm a late-blooming fan of Iron Maiden. I feel like I should have discovered this stuff as a teenager like most other fans, but I didn't. In fact, for most of my teenage years and even early college years, my musical preferences were limited to The Offspring and video game soundtracks. But metal slowly crept in over the years and before I knew it, it dominated my iPod.

It's been about two years since I became a "serious" Iron Maiden fan, meaning that I sought out songs that weren't "The Number of the Beast" or "Run to the Hills," and I keep waiting for my "Iron Maiden phase" to end. But it doesn't...and I'm not sure it will. Something about this band's work resonates deeply, and there are times when I feel like it was made specifically for me. That is, of course, ridiculous because this is the second-most commercially successful metal band in history we're talking about (Metallica is first). Still, the key to their success is somehwere in there - this band projects a sense of sincerity like few others...and the actual music...well, there will be time for that.

So here's how these entries will work. I'm being more ambitious with my blogging here - there will be a YouTube playlist featuring all the songs on the album that's in the spotlight. First, we'll have an introduction. Then we start talking about each individual track. At the end, we assess the strengths and weaknesses of the album. Finally, I'll pick four "recommended tracks" that I especially like. So let's get this started with their self-titled debut album.


Iron Maiden (1980)

The band had been performing for a few years in their native London by the time this first album came out, but this marked the beginning of what would be a decade of dominance for Iron Maiden. The lineup at the time was Steve Harris on bass, Dennis Straton and Dave Murray on guitar, Clive Burr on drums and Paul Di'Anno on vocals. Only two of these guys are still part of the band today.

Right from the start, you can see the advantage of having two lead guitarists, which was not common at all at the time. The harominzed riffs, plus the indispensable creativity of Harris's bass lines, are the blueprints for that distinctive sound. When describing Clive Burr's lightning-fast drumming, it's worth nothing that even though popular culture tends to associate metal with very fast music, it wasn't always that way by a long shot. Black Sabbath, who more or less created metal, wrote songs that were slow and ominous, a style which is now described as "doom metal." Deep Purple wrote mostly mid-tempo stuff that frequently gave way to psychedelic jam sessions that went on for ages. That was before the "New Wave of British Heavy Metal," typically referred to as NWOBHM by fans. Along with bands like Motorhead and Judas Priest, Iron Maiden sped up the tempo and ditched the jam sessions, creating a leaner and meaner brand of music.

While a lot of the core Maiden elements are present in this first album, there is one element that can be jarring. Today, the voice of singer Bruce Dickinson is synonymous with the band...but the group made two albums before he joined up. It's a safe bet that only the fans who were there at the beginning heard Paul Di'Anno's singing before Dickinson's, and now it can be a bit jarring for newer fans. He didn't have the same range, but his snarling style is pretty illustrative of how a lot of early metal singers sounded...and he'll surprise you with some of his high notes. His is the voice I picture coming out of the mouth of Eddie, the band's longtime undead mascot.

"Prowler" is the first song off the first album, and it's a winner. It shows right off the bat what the band is capable of with its catchy riff and solid solos. If the melody feels a little sleazy, it's nothing compared to the lyrics. The title character is a pervert who likes to flash women...yeah, not quite as sophisticated as "Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but what are you gonna do?

Next up is "Sanctuary," which eventually became a single. Iron Maiden got in a little bit of hot water after the cover of the single depicted Margaret Thatcher freshly murdered by Eddie. Ironically enough, she was sometimes given the nickname "the Iron Maiden." The song itself is a good example of the punk-rock influences that contributed to this early stuff, though I could do without a few of the gimmicks - the siren in particular. Lyrically, it's pretty typical of the Di'Anno albums, which often told stories of young troublemakers on the run.

The next track is the ominous "Remember Tomorrow," one of the best on the album. It's structure, alternating between slow and frenzied sections, was a major inspiration for future classics like Metallica's "Fade to Black" or Pantera's "Cemetery Gates." A great example of Di'Anno's vocals and especially Harris's bass work.

With "Running Free," we have an enduring classic that still shows up at concerts. It's a little ironic, because this particular song sounds nothing like most of the material Iron Maiden has made since...you could almost mistake it for a piece of 1970s classic rock. It's still hard to resist and it makes sense that the band chose it as their very first single.

The band would create its first real epic with the seven-minute "Phantom of the Opera," which is probably the most effective use of the dual guitar sound on the album. Throughout their career, Iron Maiden would frequently center songs on various books, movies and historical events. The song remains a fan favorite, and it isn't hard to see why - The instrumental section in the middle is simply brilliant. If I have any complaints about this song, it's that I feel like Di'Anno isn't given much to do. He mostly winds up singing along to the main riff. Still, it was clearly a milestone song for the band.

"Transylvania" is an instrumental track, one of four Iron Maiden would release in their career. It's probably the best of the four, and it flows nicely into the next track, "Strange World." This song is a striking change of pace, a melancholy ballad that wouldn't be out of place on a Pink Floyd album. The bizarre lyrics are either referring to some dystopian future or a really bad drug trip...I'm not really sure which. I'm a big fan of this one, I think it features Di'Anno's finest vocal performance on the album and the guitar solo in the middle is damn good too.

The riffs in "Charlotte the Harlot" are so catchy, they should be illegal. The title character would make a handful of appearances in Iron Maiden's songs, but I always felt that prostitutes weren't really worthy subject matter for a band this intelligent. These guys eventually would write a song about the siege at Montsegur...singing about whores just seems so...hair metal. Still, the song is quite enjoyable, with a bluesy interlude that comes out of nowhere.

Last is "Iron Maiden," off the album Iron Maiden, by Iron Maiden. See a pattern? The song remains a metal anthem, thanks to its distinctive harmonized riff and drums that are tailor-made for head-banging. Lyrically, it's laughably weak, but that can be forgiven this early in the game. It became a tradition at concerts for someone dressed in the Eddie costume to emerge while this song is played.

___________________________________

Overall Strengths: This first album shows off the versatility of the band right away, introducing a number of songs that are still considered classics.

Overall Weaknesses: The lyrics and subject matter aren't nearly as interesting as some of the material that would come later.

Recommended Tracks
Prowler
Remember Tomorrow
Phantom of the Opera
Strange World

Next: Guitarist Adrian Smith joins the band for the second album with Di'Anno on vocals - the ambitious "Killers."

Clone Saga Revisited, Part Five

Well, here we are again. The last collection of the Clone Saga felt like something of a climax, but there was still a lot left before it actually ended. Back when these issues first came out, it started to feel like we would never be going back to the status quo – Spider-Man adventures that were somewhat standalone without massive crossovers and BIG CHANGES every month. Big-time “events” are fun every so often, but you get sick of them eventually. After all, if there’s always SHOCKING TWISTS, they stop being shocking after a while. Twists are only effective because of how they differ from the status quo. It obviously doesn’t help if the twists are lame, either.

The previous installment of the saga ended with the revelation nobody wanted – the man we had known as Peter Parker so long was actually a clone. The newcomer, Ben Reilly, was in fact the genuine article. Thankfully, Parker’s angst about this was more or less resolved by the end of “Maximum Clonage,” so now the duplicates wrestle with the question of whether New York needs two Spider-Men, and if it doesn’t, which one of them will keep it up? That’s what we deal with in the fifth book of this “Complete Clone Saga Epic,” but I have to say I’m pretty disappointed with just how much filler bogs down this volume. As with the horrid “Planet of the Symbiotes” story that ate up space in Volume 3, Marvel seems determined to give us EVERY story that ran during this period, even if it was just random supplemental stuff that didn’t contribute anything to the Clone Saga at large. Thoroughness is appreciated, but it gets out of hand this time.

Volume 5 starts with an issue of the New Warriors, a superhero team that the Scarlet Spider joined. There are a few NW comics mixed with this collection, which is okay because it resolves a loose end from “Maximum Clonage” – Helix, the genetic aberration that resulted from the Jackal’s experiments. His bizarre powers and violent behavior prove to be quite a handful and the team struggles to figure out what to do with him. After that, we get a totally unrelated five-part story which pits the Scarlet Spider against the Lizard and some team of mercenaries. It’s aggressively uninteresting, goes on for what feels like an eternity, and has nothing to do with the Clone Saga.

If you make it through that, we get to “Exiled.” This is basically three separate stories, and I think only linked together because Marvel had gotten so used to these multi-part crossovers. The first installment involves The Black Cat, and the fourth involves the Vulture. Sandwiched between the two is a short story arc that depicts how Ben Reilly came to meet his friend, the geneticist Seward Trainer.

Things get much crazier with the two-part “Time Bomb” story. Think Spider-Man meets The Manchurian Candidate. Specifically, a post-hypnotic suggestion planted by the Jackal (and set off by his cryptic last words before his death in “Maximum Clonage”) sends Peter Parker into an uncontrollable rage and Mary Jane has to run for her life. The New Warriors show up once again to halt Spider-Man’s unwilling pursuit, and he basically makes them all look like amateurs. But eventually he manages to resist the programming through pure will. The story was just kind of depressing. It seemed to be yet another indicator that Peter Parker was really, truly a clone…which nobody particularly wanted to be true.

Finally, we have the three-part “The Greatest Responsibility.” In this collection, parts two and three are separated by a completely random team-up between Spider-Man and the X-Men that’s really long and totally irrelevant. Enough with the filler already, sheesh! The story introduced a new Doctor Octopus, a young woman named Carolyn Trainer (Seward’s daughter). She didn’t have the charm of the original, but oh well…the mystical ninjas will be along to resurrect him eventually. Both Spider-Men get involved and the bond between them carries this story along. Meanwhile, Mary Jane is farther along in her pregnancy and the couple’s upcoming parenthood becomes impossible to ignore. By the end, Parker has given up his superhero duties, handing it over to Ben.

A brand new Spider-Man? Did anyone really want this? I know I’ve said that a few times, but I really feel like this whole nonsense was just pushed on the fans because Marvel had this stupid notion that Parker was too old, too married, too boring to appeal to readers. The narration in the third part of “The Greatest Responsibility” is insufferable, transparently forcing the agenda of the writers on to the readers. But that’s the way it was at the time, and some more silly stunts were on the way.

As of this writing, I can’t find a release date for the sixth volume of this Clone Saga collection, meaning that this series is on hold indefinitely. But fear not, I have a new fifteen-part one that’s coming up and should keep this blog at lest semi-busy all through the summer, if not until Oscar season.

Classic Films that Suck to Actually Watch

When people evaluate movies, they usually have at least one of two things in mind when deciding if they like it or not.

1. The artistic quality: Does it display impressive craftsmanship? Does it show innovation in terms of its writing, editing or art direction? Does the story offer a new or interesting perspective on its subject matter?

2. Entertainment Value: Does it hold your attention? Does viewing it provide a fun time in the theater? Is it emotionally rewarding to watch?

The best movies will satisfy both of these requirements. However, there are times when they come in conflict with each other, and this is a topic I don't think is discussed enough (in a mature fashion, at least) in movie-buff land.

It's pretty common to find films that outright fail Question 1 while passing Question 2 with flying colors. We all have "bad" movies that we have more fun watching than "good" ones. Plan 9 From Outer Space, Commando, Troll 2, The Room, etc. These are movies where the viewing experience is so fun, that it basically transcends the need for genuine artistic merit and becomes a different, and I think equally legitimate, kind of "good."

But what about the reverse scenario? A movie that has undeniable artistic merit but is not so fun to sit through? This comes up every so often and it can be super frustrating. Can a movie really be "good" if it bores you? Tough question. Let's look a few examples. (Disclaimer: Examples of this will obviously vary from person to person. This is all opinion and I'm sure these classic films will continue to be admired long after I hit "publish post" on the blogger page. So chill.)

Nosferatu (1922)

Why Classic? Famous piece of silent cinema. Max Schreck's amazing performance and the impressive makeup involved. Adapted Bram Stoker's Dracula before the American version with Bela Lugosi. A few visual effects sequences that defied the technological limitations of its era and still leave scholars in awe.

The Problem: Large portions of it are just....uninteresting. The editing in the third act is borderline incoherent and it's damn confusing trying to figure out where everyone is...and not that good David Lynch sort of confusing, either. You can't blame it on being a silent film either, I've seen enough to know that some have aged much better than others. Films like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The Love Light, The Lodger, Metropolis, and pretty much anything from Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton demonstrate that the best ones are still gripping. This one comes off like it just needed some more work, but I'm definitely in the minority and this is frequently cited as a silent classic and one of the best vampire films ever. Actually, that last part might be true. Vampires have a pretty bad track record throughout film history. Thankfully, Count Orlock doesn't sparkle.


2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Why Classic? Influenced a generation of science-fiction storytellers. Phenomenal use of classical music. Brilliant use of symbolism. Stanley Kubrick's mad skills and all-around superb cinematography. HAL the evil computer - "I can't do that, Dave." Stoners like the part where the astronaut goes through the wormhole.

The Problem: I've read so much about why this movie is a classic and perhaps one of the greatest ever made...so why can't I stay awake any time I try to watch it? The part at the beginning with the apes is great. And when HAL turns on the crew, that scene and the rest of the movie afterwards is great. But this is a long film and just about nothing happens between those scenes I mentioned. People float in space, you see the spaceship crusing along, maybe someone will use a computer for a bit, people float in space, etc. And despite my best efforts, eventually my eyelids start getting pushed down. Are great movies supposed to put viewers to sleep? I'm not exactly some ADD-riddled teen who needs explosions every five minutes, either. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Cinema Studies and I've sat through some seriously slow-paced inpenetrable movies that still managed to keep my attention. But the acclaim for this particular movie is so damn omnipresent that it must just be my problem.

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Why Classic? Solidified zombie tropes that George Romero himself invented in Night of the Living Dead (the real masterpiece, in my view). Placing zombies inside a mall to comment on widespread American superficiality was the kind of inspired satire uncommon to horror films. Tom Savini's excellent makeup and gore effects.

The Problem: The same problem with the other two...most of Dawn of the Dead is friggin boring! I remember enjoying it for the first half-hour or so, but once the main cast gets secured inside the mall with zombies kept safely at bay, things go downhill. They avail themselves of the mall's many material comforts, and obviously this is all part of Romero's social commentary. Unfortunately, neither the dialogue or the performers speaking it are up to the task. We're left with what feels like an eternity of characters just hanging out until the zombies inevitably become a threat again. As the 140 minute film drags on and on, you start to understand why so few horror movies cross the 2-hour mark. Once a psychotic biker gang comes into the mall, the movie roars back to life and it's almost enough to save things. Almost.

I watched it with three other friends and we all were seriously disappointed. We are definitely in the minority. People love this and frequently cite it as one of the best horror movies of all time, if not THE best. What always goes through my head is, "Sure it's hugely influential. But when's the last time you actually tried to watch the damn thing?" Does having a brilliant concept get you a free pass for a lack of entertainment value? Over time, the non-stop praise for this bore turned my disappointment into outright anger and resentment for the original Dawn of the Dead. It drove me to commit a cardinal movie-buff sin - my DVD collection features Romero's Night of the Living Dead as well as Day of the Dead, the third one in the series. Sandwiched between them...is Zack Synder's remake of Dawn of the Dead. Yeah, that's right. The remake can't claim any influence, but at least it was a zombie movie with some actual friggin' suspense.

I could probably come up with more, but you get the idea. If anyone has any thoughts on these situations or has other movies in mind for the "classics that suck to watch" distinction, feel free to share!

Clone Saga Revisited, Part Four

This is it, folks. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

So far, I've looked back at the Clone Saga and found a story that was definitely problematic but not beyond help. Take away a few of the lamer characters (Traveller, go die in a fire kthxbai) and refrain from dragging it out for so long and you've got a story that could work. There were compelling parts of this saga, which is probably why it feels so frustrating when it totally unravels. But hey, it's still probably better than the Spider-Man musical!

In all seriousness, this fourth volume of Marvel's new "Complete Clone Saga" collections offers the answer to why this storyline is so maligned. It's got a handful of the most infamous storylines of the era; the ones that made loyal fans like me want to throw our comics out the window. Despite my huge disappointment in the obnoxious plot twists, I stuck around for another year or so hoping things would get better. They didn't. Ironically, the Clone Saga finally ended shortly after that. However, given what came after (the "One More Day" story seems destined to be even MORE reviled than the Clone Saga), it was probably good I got out when I did.

The end of Volume Three left us with Ben Reilly offering to take Peter Parker's place in prison so that he could be with his wife while also hunting down the murderer who had framed both of them. For some reason, Peter also starts wearing the Scarlet Spider costume. I guess variety is the spice of life or whatever. The first story is "Lives Unlived," in which Peter encounters the clone of Gwen Stacy from the original 70s Clone Saga that laid the foundation for all this craziness. She's living with a clone of Professor Miles Warren (aka The Jackal). It may be worth noting that the name "Stacy" is misspelled towards the end of the story, a bit of a surprise considering how important Gwen is to the mythology. It may be an indicator of the level of care that went into some of these stories. Anyhow, she thinks her name is "Gwen Miles" and doesn't even know she's a clone. Well, she finds out and is pretty sad. Moving on.

Then we have the two part "Crossfire" storyline...and wow. I'm in awe at just how terrible this story is. It should come as no surprise at this point that Judas Traveller has a prominent role. In his ongoing cliche quest to understand the nature of good and evil, he creates a series of illusions to mess with Peter Parker, even claiming that he could restore Aunt May's soul. Then he supposedly takes Parker one day into the future, where NYC has been leveled...supposedly by Peter Parker himself. Right. Anyhow, everything goes wrong because Traveller shouldn't have been playing with alternate realities or whatever...as one character notes, "the space-time continuum is a delicate thing." Whatever. Traveller is stopped, Peter goes back to the present, nobody gives a shit. The single redeeming scene in this mess is a bit where Mary Jane reveals that a doctor has detected an "anomaly" in her unborn baby. The doctor's not sure why, but the couple knows that it's probably because of Peter Parker's radioactive blood. It's heavy, and manages to touch on real fears of aspiring parents despite the fantastical setting. Would have made a good story on its own, but we all clearly needed to be reminded of the delicacy of the space-time continuum. Sheesh, save it for friggin' Star Trek.

Next up we have "Return of the Green Goblin." The twist this time is that the new goblin isn't a villian, but a Daily Bugle intern named Phil Urich who stumbled upon one of Norman Osborn's secret labs. As you might expect, adapting the look of a notorious supervillain gets him a fair share of negative attention and he gets blamed for a string of murders involving homeless people. Spidey investigates and finds out the real culprit is a guy named Firefist, who has been killing poor people out of some warped belief that they contaminate society as a whole. He was never seen again after this story. Maybe he found a better way to pursue his goals of screwing over the poor, like being elected to Congress. As for the new Green Goblin, he starred in a very short-lived series spearheaded by veteran Spider-Man writer Tom DeFalco that wasn't half bad.

Now we move on to "The Trial of Peter Parker," a four-part saga ending with the revelation that nobody wanted. Ben Reilly, posing as Parker, faces the jury while Spider-Man hunts the real murderer - Kaine. Part One is mostly just a slugfest between the two of them while opening statements are given in the courtroom. But Judas Traveller shows up in Part Two, so we know we've hopped the train to Suckville. The second part regurgitates a plot we've all seen on Saturday morning television countless times - the hero is put on "trial" by his adversaries. Carnage is the prosecutor and Kaine must now defend Spider-Man. So after a few pages of talking, everyone fights and Traveller undoes everything and returns us to our regularly scheduled fight between Spider-Man and Kaine. Total waste of time.

During Part Three, Kaine reveals his true identity. He was the Jackal's first attempt to clone Peter Parker, but the process went awry and he developed extreme versions of the original's powers. Jackal tossed him away as a failed experiment, but he lived on and understandably got very moody and depressed. So now we understand the ease with which he could frame Peter Parker. Spidey's had enough of slugging it out with Kaine and threatens to unmask himself in front of the jury as a last ditch effort to save Ben from the electric chair. Kaine really admires Parker and doesn't want to see him screw up his life, so he reluctantly confesses to the murders and is arrested. Part Four starts with what looks like a happy ending - Peter is exonerated and he and Ben have become true friends. Ben gets to start a new life for himself. Would be great if it ended here, right? Sadly, no.

Seward Trainer, a friend of Ben Reilly's who is a geneticist, wants to do some tests on Mary Jane's unborn child. During this process, the bombshell is dropped. The man everyone knows as Peter Parker is the clone...and Ben Reilly is the original. In other words, the protagonist readers have known since the 1970s (following the first Clone Saga) was a clone. That's mind-blowing, amirite?!?! I guess, but the reaction of the fans was not "OH COOL!" and I don't really get how Marvel could have expected that. No, the reaction was more like "What, really? (pause) That sucks!" So how does Parker take this news? Well, he goes berserk and accuses Reilly of trying to steal his life. They have a stupid fight and when Mary Jane tries to intervene, she takes one of Peter's blows and goes flying into a wall. Already brutal, and given that she was also pregnant...well, it was pretty upsetting. Peter feels instantly remorseful and runs off.

So believe it or not, the next story is even worse. Get ready for "Maximum Clonage," and yes, that was the real title. This six-part saga is preceded in the collection by an issue of New Warriors where the titular team of superheroes fight a clone of Spider-Man, but it's not Ben Reilly. So as "Maximum Clonage" starts, the New Warriors mistake the Scarlet Spider for this creature and they fight. The true culprit was "Spider-Cide," the shape-shifting clone from "The Mark of Kaine" storyline. He's helping The Jackal execute his nefarious plan - to kill the entire human race with a deadly virus and replace them all with clones that The Jackal will rule over. Yes, I'm serious.

So Peter Parker is acting like a total idiot during this story. Because he's a clone, he's somehow convinced that he has to go live in a hole alone somewhere or something, so he just abandons Mary Jane and winds up hanging out with The Jackal. Ben Reilly, who is also coping with the revelation that he has spent the last five years of his life thinking he was a clone, tries to talk some sense into Peter but Jackal won't have it. Reilly and Kaine wind up fighting an army of mindless Spider-Man clones.

Meanwhile, Spider-Cide betrays The Jackal and almost kills him. However, it is Kaine who intervenes on the Jackal's behalf and dies heroically. Diminishing this whole incident is the fact that Kaine hated the Jackal and his change of heart isn't really explained very well - "You gave me life" is all we get.

By the time we get to the last chapter of this saga, everything has gone nuts. The writers have apparently just given up trying to keep these issues consistent with one another and there's literally a different artist at work every five pages or so. Jackal attemps to deploy his deadly virus, but is now attacked by the Gwen Stacy clone. During the scuffle, Gwen nearly falls to her death. That reminds everyone of the original Gwen's death, which was what caused Professor Warren to snap and become The Jackal in the first place. He attemps to save her, but falls to his death after shouting a cryptic warning. His plan is foiled, Peter returns to Mary Jane and now he and Ben must decide who will wear the Spider-Man webs.

This whole story was just a total fail. In addition to Parker's bizarre behavior and the overall goofiness of the plotline, there's a lot of little things that are lame. As one example, in part four of this story Kaine promises Reilly he has renounced his murderous ways and will not kill the attacking clones. In part five, he asks Reilly "why should you care if they die? They're only clones!" as he beats the hell out of them. And though it has been well-established that Spider-Cide has power similar to that of T-1000 and is thus virtually indestructable, he dies from falling off a buliding. "Maximum Clonage" is FULL of stuff like that and provokes a lot of very justified nerd rage.

Jeez, so what the hell happened? Well, I think it's clear that this whole "replace the hero" gimmick of the 1990s started with the Death of Superman saga, which is far more well-received than this. Marvel was jealous of its success and decided to do something similar, but why did The Death of Superman succeed where the Clone Saga failed?

Death of Superman has a very clear three-act structure.

1. Superman dies.
2. Four "Supermen" compete to take his place, with some claiming to be the real one.
3. The real Superman returns and all is well.

The "Knightfall" Batman story has almost an identical structure.

1. Bane breaks Batman's back.
2. Azrael takes over as the new Batman.
3. Bruce Wayne returns and defeats Azrael, who has gone off the deep end. All is well.

I guess the Clone Saga could have worked within this framework.

1. Peter Parker's clone returns.
2. The clone is revealed to be the real thing. He takes over as Spider-Man.
3. It turns out Peter Parker was the real one all along. All is well.

But since this saga concluded, some of the creators have spoken publicly about how the editorial board at Marvel actually wanted Ben Reilly to permanently become the new Spider-Man. Some of the editors were worried that having Peter Parker as a married father made him too "old" for the readers and that the parade of tragedies in his life had made him too dark and gloomy. With that in mind, we start to understand why Peter was behaving like such a jackass in these clone stories. The writers were trying to manipulate the readers into going along with their scheme to install Ben as the new Spidey...for good.

Didn't quite work out like yet. But in the next part of this series, we'll see them give it their best shot.

P.S. Also, I have another series that will start within the new couple of months or so. It will be more...complimentary...than this has been. More later.

Oscar Years that live in Infamy

I cover them faithfully every year, but I have a love/hate relationship with the Oscars. Every movie buff does. The voters have made some truly boneheaded decisions over the years, but that in turn makes it more thrilling when a movie you like gets some Academy love. In the days after this year's victory by The King's Speech, there is already much talk about how the Academy has once again picked a "square" choice over a more hip, contemporary film like The Social Network.

It's much too early to say definitively whether or not this year's outcome will still inspire grumbling for years for come...but it does present an opportunity to revisit some infamous Oscar results over the ceremony's long history. The examples I choose will be (with one exception) focused on Best Picture. If we start getting into the acting categories, we'll be here forever.

1941
Winner: How Green Was My Valley
Defeated: Citizen Kane

Our first one is a biggie. Citizen Kane eventually developed a reputation as the single greatest film ever made, while How Green Was My Valley was an old-school weepie about poverty and emotional turmoil in Wales that is basically unknown outside Movie Buff land. Kane made the voters think and was WAY ahead of its time, but this one made them cry. History has shown that tears usually get the edge. There were some other external factors in this case - it was not a well-hidden secret that the driven, flawed protagonist of Citizen Kane was inspired by the publishing giant William Randolph Hearst. Hearst used his considerable resources to wage war against Orson Welles and his movie and that certainly had an effect on the Academy's vote...call him the Harvey Weinstein of his day. Still, Kane has been holding on to the "best movie ever" label for decades, so things worked out pretty well in the end.

1952
Winner: The Greatest Show on Earth
Defeated: High Noon

High Noon is usually considered the greatest Western of all time. It is a damn good one, but my choice would be The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. The Academy opted to award The Greatest Show on Earth instead. Were they intimidated by the title? DeMille's movie had a massive budget for the time, and he was able to showcase a lot of real-life circus hijinks. As a movie, however, it's brutally long and riddled with cliches. I recently took an online quiz that challenged me to name all the Best Picture winners off the top of my head. This was one of the only ones I couldn't remember and was unable to complete the challenge. That's not exactly timeless. Unlike science-fiction, horror or animation, Westerns usually get a lot of love at the Oscars, making this outcome all the more surprising.

1968
Winner: Oliver!
Defeated: The Lion in Winter

When the title of a movie has an exclamation point as part of its official title, things will go downhill fast. Just trust me on that. Okay, so this one is not all that "infamous," but it's one of the few Best Picture screw-ups that really bug me. The Lion is Winter is just awesome. Based on a play, it has all the elements of great theater - superb acting, brilliant dialogue, endless twists and turns. It's sometimes surprisingly hilarious, but can turn on a dime and get really intense as well. So what won that year? A goofy musical version of the Charles Dickens story. Come on now. It's not an awful movie, (with the exception of The English Patient, very few Best Picture winners are really bad. The weaker ones are usually just underwhelming) but I suspect anyone who watches both will see that the difference between them is apparent.

One more note on The English Patient - my least favorite winner will not be showing up here, mostly because 1996 was a weak year in general and there wasn't much else that deserved a shot at the top prize. But I still can't stand it...I sympathize greatly with Elaine from "Seinfeld."

Martin Scorsese's entire career, but especially 1980.

I can't think of any other director who has inspired as much Oscar frustration as good old Marty. It started in 1976 with Taxi Driver, but that loss can be easily forgiven. He was still the new kid, and the movie had some truly amazing competition for Best Picture that year - All the President's Men, Network and eventual-winner Rocky.

The Oscars of 1980 still have the reputation as the single most infuriating in history. Scorsese's superb Raging Bull was defeated in both the Picture and Director races by a somewhat formulaic "dark heart of suburbia" drama called Ordinary People. That movie was fine, but Raging Bull was visionary. The Academy will never live that one down.

Ten years later, there was another debacle that I actually think is even more obnoxious than 1980. Scorsese's Goodfellas, another film that is now regarded as an all-time classic, lost the 1990 Best Picture and Director Oscars to Kevin Costner and Dances with Wolves. Ugh. Dances with Wolves has its moments, but it's way too long and frequently insufferable with its hit-you-over-the-head-with-a-frying-pan approach to its subject matter. I tend to like movies with strong messages, but this movie is just over the top. When the evil white men intrude on the Native American utopia at the end, even going as far as to shoot the dog for no fucking reason other than to be assholes, we know things have gone off the rails. I'm all for movies that highlight how badly the Native Americans got screwed over, but stuff like this is one step forward, two steps back. Should have been Goodfellas.

Around the turn of the century, people realized that Marty wasn't getting any younger and still had no Oscar. He began to show up a lot more at the annual ceremony. Gangs of New York from 2002 was not his strongest effort, but for a while it looked like he would finally seal the deal this time. That year, Best Director went to Roman Polanski for The Pianist, who couldn't accept in person since he had fled America in the late 70s after date-raping a teenager in Jack Nicholson's hot tub. Polanski did make some great movies before that incident and maybe people felt he was overdue as well, but it has to suck to lose to a pedo. In 2004, we had The Aviator, but that ultimately fell victim to the "tears > thought" trope and lost to Clint Eastwood's tragic Million Dollar Baby.

Scorsese did finally claim his Oscar in 2006 for The Departed. The movie was not the groundbreaking achievement that some of his earlier films were, but it was a strong gangster film that deserved the honor. Still, at that point all people could talk about was how he should have won earlier. Something tells me Christopher Nolan is heading down the same path, but more on that later.

1989
Winner: Driving Miss Daisy
Not Even Nominated: Do The Right Thing

Probably the best example of the Academy's unfortunate retrograde tendencies. Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing was a scathing and innovative look at race relations that featured complex characters and no easy answers. It didn't even make the final five nominees that year. When presented with such a bold new vision of racial dialogue in America, the Oscar voters went with a movie about a black guy who chauffeured a rich old white lady. Dear God, here come the angry essays. Was this 1989 or 1889? Morgan Freeman is always great, but come on. In the end, it was a well-meaning movie...but way out of touch. As for Lee, his later movies lost some focus and he was cursed by an "angry black man" reptuation. A lot of that anger probably stems from this. The fact that it also beat Oliver Stone's Born on the Fourth of July is more than a little frustrating too.


1994
Winner: Forrest Gump
Defeated: Pulp Fiction

It's become a pop-culture touchstone and a testament to the benefits of "not going full retard," but should Forrest Gump have won Best Picture? Probably not. I feel kind of guilty about this...it's the kind of harmless, charming movie that makes you feel like a jerk for criticizing it. Still, 1994 was a damn good year for movies and the fact that the Academy chose this is a bit puzzling when you consider that it was up against The Shawshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction. Shawshank's fate was no surprise - that movie had a long road to travel before it became as beloved as it is today. Pulp Fiction, however, was an instant classic that went on to inspire a whole generation of movie fans. This was the ultimate example of the "head vs. heart" battle that so frequently defines the Academy Awards.

1997
Winner: Titanic
Defeated: L.A. Confidential, Good Will Hunting

The year that the Academy membership was swayed by massive box office success and the screams of teenage girls. Saw a few clips of Titanic on TV recently...it has not aged well. It was a generation's Gone With The Wind, but that movie is still impressive and this is just...a little embarrassing. James Cameron's uber-cheesy dialogue is just out of control. Still, it sailed past some excellent movies to pick up an astounding 11 Oscars. One of the only ones it didn't win was Best Actress for Kate Winslet (she could be a topic here as well...it took her a long time to get one and she was great even in this). Honestly, what impresses me most is how well Leonardo DiCaprio redefined himself after this movie. In 1997, just about every teenage boy on the planet had to listen to our female peers go on about his good looks for an eternity. Some of those girls claimed to have sat through this 12 times..and it's three and a half hours! That's 42 hours! DiCaprio must have realized that an entire generation of young men hated him, so he wisely vanished for a while before returning with a slew of amazing performances in movies like Blood Diamond, The Aviator and Inception. Robert Pattinson, take notes.

1998
Winner: Shakespeare in Love
Defeated: Saving Private Ryan

Yeah, two years in a row. I have to confess that this one did not particularly make me angry, but it was truly shocking. Shakespeare in Love was a charming, smart little movie...but the idea that it could upset a massive war epic like Saving Private Ryan sounded laughable until it happened. Nothing in the ceremony indicated this outcome, either. Spielberg even won Best Director in one of the few instances where the two top categories did not line up. I remember I was watching the show and had just taken a sip of my drink as Harrison Ford opened the envelope. "Here comes Private Ryan," I thought. Didn't happen. I literally spat out my drink. How often do you get to really do that? Still one of the craziest upsets in Oscar history.




2001
Winner: A Beautiful Mind
Defeated: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

This one is personal because it made me really mad. This movie was fine and Russell Crowe is an awesome actor, but I felt it was very unremarkable. But them darn kids today don't realize what a complete and utter joke the fantasy genre was in Hollywood until Peter Jackson came along with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Before that, we had what? Tom Cruise riding a unicorn in Legend? Arnold Schwarzenegger punching camels in Conan the Barbarian? Jackson and his crew of Kiwi genuises saved an entire genre, which is not something you see every year. Meanwhile, A Beautiful Mind was the same "oh noes i haz a handicap" tale that had won many times before (and after). My first time seeing Fellowship in theaters is one of my greatest movie memories, and I didn't take the loss very well. The Academy overcompensated in a big way two years later by giving Return of the King just about every award they had...but I felt the first one was the greatest of the trilogy.

2005
Winner: Crash
Defeated: Brokeback Mountain

You want to piss off a crowded room of people? Bring up Crash. It's the kind of polarizing movie that probably couldn't win these days, now that the Academy's new preferential ballots favor movies with near-universal acclaim. Some people loved the heightened drama and caustic dialogue, while others felt they were being talked down to by its unsubtle racial commentary. It's victory over the gay romance Brokeback Mountain was seen as the stuffy Academy being more willing to talk about race than homophobia.

Brokeback has deservedly become a milestone in the gay rights movement, but I remember feeling conflicted about it at the time. It had some great acting (especially by the late Heath Ledger), a devastating ending and beautiful music...but it was also too long, full of stilted dialgoue and so drop-dead serious that it sometimes gave way to untintentional humor. I admired what it stood for more than I actually liked the movie. But don't worry, I'm still liberal. Crash's upset victory seemed shocking, but maybe it shouldn't have been.

2008
Winner: Slumdog Millionaire
Not Even Nominated: The Dark Knight

An Oscar scandal so devastating it changed the format of the entire awards. Let's be fair - I thought Slumdog Millionaire was an awesome movie. The problem here was the lack of a Best Picture nomination for The Dark Knight. Beloved by both critics and audiences, everyone seemed sure that the movie would score a win for superhero fans everywhere by competing for the top honor. If it had been nominated and lost to Slumdog, I could have accepted that. But it didn't even get that far. What did get nominated? The Reader, a particularly annoying example of what my college friend Grant once called "HMJ" (Holocaust Movie Jockage). The Reader was a confused, oppressively downbeat movie with questionable subtext that inspired all sorts of Holocaust-wank on the internet. How the hell did this get to the final five and not The Dark Knight? Moviegoers everywhere called bullshit and next thing you know...there's ten nominees for Best Picture.

Two years later, it seems evident that having ten nominees doesn't do much to help movies like The Dark Knight or District 9 or Inception actually WIN Best Picture. Still, it's nice to see them get a little more recognition.

Goodbye for now, Oscars. See you next year.